[ P ] Invisible Waves

Sinclair’s reaction to her response was not surprising. She watched him as his brows furrowed and he stressed, ‘Don't you understand? I could hurt you too. Kill you, even...’ She didn’t say anything as he moved and sat to look at her, glaring with his head tilted before he continued. ‘We might be friends but that doesn't matter. I nearly killed the love of my life... what makes you think you're safe?’

Instead of getting up to get closer, she looked back at the waterfall while she thought it over. Ashira was not one to wear her emotions on her sleeve, but that didn’t mean she was heartless. She continued to feel Sinclair’s glare on her and she did not take long to turn her head to face him.

“Everyone in this world has a part of them that can hurt and kill.” She wasn’t wrong, she had met others out there whose tendencies were far from pure. “Some are stronger than others; I do not doubt yours is one of those.”

Ashira would not keep him waiting as her answers continued to naturally arrive. “My future is unclear, as is others in this life. Where I am meant to be, though, is what has already been chosen for me.” If he had a different opinion on that, she would not be offended.

“Nothing makes me think I am safe, Sinclair. Safety is something that is as temporary as time; you may have it, but it can disappear just as quickly.” She watched him with her silvery gaze and added more two cents. “If I am meant to die sooner than others, then it will happen.”

Ashira was not afraid of death. Nothing really scared her, which was what made her stand out from regular wolves. Sinclair was also not a regular wolf, which explained why they got along better than others. “Your warnings are appreciated, but if I was not meant to be here in this moment with you, then I would be absent.” She wrapped her tail around her paws, the colors blending well without much change. “Even at our worst, we are still the same people we are at our best…other personality or not.”

As her words faded, Ashira watched Sinclair without much change. She did not say these things to offend him or further up his dander. Ashira was having a conversation with her friend because he had asked and she was answering in turn. There was no manipulation, no mistrust, and no lies. Ashira knew that building trust meant using time and time was not something to abuse. Destiny had it by the neck and could make it fly just as quickly as it could snuff it out.

Sinclair bristled as she spoke as if this was all fate. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure he believed in fate at all. He had never really believed in much of anything but his own pain and suffering. That was always a constant in his life and that... that would never fail him. He would never truly be happy; that much he felt he knew. He had already thrown away one chance at happiness... did he even deserve another.

His muzzle wrinkled and he lunged forward to knock her down onto her back with jaws aiming for her neck. If she did not move he would wrap his teeth around her throat and squeeze ever so gently. He would not pierce her flesh if he could help it for this was only a test, a warning. "Is this meant to happen?" he growled through the thick of her fur.

As he would hover above her, should she not move, he would stare into her pale gray eyes. They were voids of light quite unlike his own dark abysses. A fire burned behind his gaze as he stared at her, the fur along his back rising as his breaths quickened. "Don't tell me you don't care if you die." he told her. "Because I do."

A normal wolf would have been shocked about Sinclair’s immediate reaction. His fur bristled more and he lunged, pushing her down to the ground and initiating a bite to her throat, wrapping around her neck and squeezing to prove he could. Ashira’s reaction during this whole interaction was her own version of normal: she allowed it to happen.

‘Is this meant to happen?’ He growled with a mouth full of black and gray fur. Purple eyes met silvers as the question loomed in the air, hovering between the two of them as Ashira calmly kept his gaze. “Yes,” she said. “For me to know you better.”

His next words were a confession, something that she had never heard. ‘Don’t tell me you don’t care if you die.’ A second of a pause, then - ‘Because I do.’ Ashira’s eyes bored into Sinclair’s, light dancing into darkness without much effort. The grip on her neck pulsed with his heartbeat as he kept his hold. “The feeling is mutual, for you, Sinclair,” she said, her tones slightly softer to the ears. Anticipation hung in the air like a chandelier, threatening to fall upon the two of them, but Ashira remained calm. If the chandelier broke and hit them, she would accept it and life would keep going.

Sinclair could not understand her calm and cool demeaner throughout all this. It baffled him that she did not seem frightened in the slightest. He wondered how she would fare, should he truly turn on her. “Yes. For me to know you better.” A soft growl rumbled in his chest at the idea of anyone 'knowing' him. Lye and Sindri were all he had left of his old life, besides his children, and did they even know him? It felt wrong to say yes, but not quite right to say no either.

"The feeling is mutual, for you, Sinclair,” she said after a few moments.

The dark man growled again as he stood over her, feeling a familiar sense tingling along his spine. He drew a breath and took a step back to allow her to get up. "I just don't want to hurt you... unless you want me to," he murmured. His ears flicked as he looked her over cautiously. It had been some time since he'd played this game with another and whether Ashira could handle it or not was a whole different story.

Then again, he knew he should not be contemplating such things with anyone... but he was so tired of being alone all the time and what did he have to lose? It felt good to cut loose and give in to his desires so why shouldn't he?

Life was a fleeting thing, as was time and what you chose to do with both made all the difference. Ashira intended to enjoy her life; she just knew that there would be hard times along with the easy. She rarely fought for anything and if she did, it was because of her belief and trust in what destiny provided. She walked with it, hand-in-hand, without fear of where she was headed. All she knew was that she would not go backwards; it was a path she could not take.

Sinclair’s weight shifted after a low growl and his fur rose up and down his spine before he moved. ‘I just don’t want to hurt you…unless you want me to.’ The opportunity came to get up and so Ashira shifted to her stomach, slowly pulling herself up to a standing position. She had ruffled fur along her back, causing her to take a couple of steps away from Sinclair before shaking herself all over. As her fur fell into place, she met Sinclair’s purple gaze with her own set of grays. “I have never had anyone offer something like that,” she admitted, calmly assessing Sinclair as she thought about his confession.

“Nor have I ever entertained hurting someone in turn, unless it was something that needed to happen.” She was not oblivious to the type of hurting Sinclair meant. Other wolves in the world were keen on feeling pain as a means of pleasure. The fact that Sinclair was someone whom seemed to enjoy talking about it could shed some light on the type of person he was. She had never taken the notion that she was one of those, too. No opportunity had ever presented itself when she interacted with others.

As she got up and shook out her ruffled coat he watched her in silence, his dark violet eyes following her ever move. He had expected to chase her away, but she was still here. He thought she was either very peculiar or very foolish-- he couldn't' decide which. “I have never had anyone offer something like that,” she said and he cracked the smallest of smiles. He let out a soft hum, wondering if he had made her curious or not. “Nor have I ever entertained hurting someone in turn, unless it was something that needed to happen.”

"It is... unexplainable." he said. He couldn't find the words to tell her how it made him feel when someone's teeth were in his neck and frankly he didn't usually talk about these types of things at all. For him pain was pleasure and so was power; he enjoyed both giving and receiving but he had never really contemplated why before. All he knew was that it did not affect him the same way as it did some other wolves. He felt an indescribable sensation that had become rather addicting. "And you either like it or you don't. I don't think there is an in between," he added.

‘It is…unexplainable.’ His soft hum continued to throb in his throat, his eyes becoming slightly glossy as he paused to let the thought of it settle in the air. Ashira knew that wolves were not alike; many of them were different and chose to either keep it to themselves or being obnoxious. The topics of personal fetishes and desires were not the type that could easily be discussed in public conversation.

‘And you either like it or you don't. I don't think there is an in between.’ Silvery eyes watched him as she thought about his own experience. “I see,” she said, continuing to show attention to the conversation. “And you are the former rather than the latter.” It was an observation that she could have left alone, but she knew that it would help enthrall the future part of their conversation.

A brief silence, then:

“How often do you have someone try it out with you?” She was not sure if he had a lot of partners or not, it really wasn’t relevant or her business to know. Either way, Ashira had to ask if destiny intended to keep her on this path.

“I see,” she said, attentively looking at him now. “And you are the former rather than the latter.” At this, Sinclair nodded his head. He didn't feel the need to vocalize the obvious but she had stated it more than questioned it. A pause would follow her words and then, a question.

“How often do you have someone try it out with you?”

Sinclair's throat tightened slightly and he tried to clear it, feeling the warmth rise in his cheeks and confusion cloud his brain. Why did he suddenly feel embarrassed? He'd only ever been with Lye... until recently. He supposed he'd never talked to anyone about this stuff out loud and so that was why he was feeling awkward about it now. "Well... not often..." he said, not wanting to make himself out to be some kind of... well, he didn't even know what it would make him out to be. But it was the truth. "I have only been with... two partners." he murmured. He didn't feel right naming them, though Ashira could guess at least one was his wife... or ex-wife, he supposed he should say.

"I don't know if I'll ever see either again, but I likely wouldn't have pursued them had they not shared my interests." he said.

Ashira’s question appeared to make Sinclair embarrassed. His cheeks changed color, causing his fur to look darker than before. She watched with an open mind as he became befuddled, taking a minute or two to collect himself. His reaction was not one she had thought about happening; then again, she did not raise expectations regarding anything.

‘Well…not often…’ he admitted, taking his time as if Ashira was pulling teeth. ‘I have only been with…two partners.’ She nodded as he revealed himself, further saying: ‘I don't know if I'll ever see either again, but I likely wouldn't have pursued them had they not shared my interests.’

“From your past experiences, how did you know that yours - as well as your former partners’ - personal desires existed?” It wasn’t a trick question: Ashira truly did not know how the psychology of desires worked in other wolves. Sometimes, she was unaware of her own preferences - if there were any at all. Exposure was key and fate normally steered Ashira towards it when the time was right.

“From your past experiences, how did you know that yours - as well as your former partners’ - personal desires existed?” she asked and he stared at her thoughtfully. "I suppose I didn't, at first. I found out along the way," he said simply. It wasn't something they had discussed beforehand but rather something that had just happened, at least in his experience.

Sinclair moved closer to Ashira, lifting his muzzle to hers and lettings his warm breath caress her cheek. "It was just a feeling, I suppose." he said softly.

"Do you feel it?" he asked, leaning back and looking into her eyes. "The desire?" he clarified. He was curious now himself, as to her interests... if she had any. He didn't know of her past proclivities and he would not demand she share them. They were just friends, after all, so what she did with her time was not his to worry about.