[ P ] where there is a will, there's a way

[Breeding Check]

From the moment Aryth's latest message arrived, Grigori felt no peace. Why was it so secretive? Why was the scholar worried that it would be intercepted? And why did he expect a response somewhere other than back home? There was, obviously, only one answer - something has happened. But what? That question was gnawing away at his very being. The cowboy could scarcely sleep, and when he finally did, he found no rest in his dreams. He dreamt of being together with his husband again, and, surprisingly, of sons. Two sons, as wonderful as they were exasperating. When he awoke, the void of absence around him was debilitating. But, at the very least, he had an answer. Aryth might have asked for a mere message, but Grigori couldn't stay here another moment without making sure his lover is safe - personally.

Acting fast was his only option, before whoever Aryth is hiding from takes notice of a lowly soldier like him and makes an attempt to get to the scholar through him. He left the barracks under the pretense of taking his owl for a 'walk'. It was something he's been doing regularly, as Elizabeth got fussy whenever she was left to herself with other birds for too long, which in turn meant more hassle for everyone else. As such, nobody questioned him, or even so much as raised an eyebrow, and with luck he might be back before anyone realizes he's been gone too long. If he comes back, that is... if Aryth is in any kind of danger, there's nothing that could keep him away. Not even the king's entire army.

Elizabeth remained persistently perched on his back, instead of flying off as she usually did, perhaps sensing his unease. Truth be told, Grigori didn't have nearly as much of a connection with her as Aryth did with his hedgehog, he just liked her more than he could any other bird. And, well, it was Aryth who convinced her to stay with them... Still, he appreciated the company, and without her, there's a good chance this excursion wouldn't be at all possible.

The lavender field wasn't quite so easy to track down at night, but once he got close enough, his nose led him just fine. The flowery fragrance immediately brought back memories of their time here, making his heart beat faster at the mere thought of it, as well as the prospect of seeing Aryth again soon. Yet, the ginger male was nowhere to be seen, perhaps in hiding as to not be discovered too easily. After all, he's only expecting a message... then a message he will receive. "Elsie," Grigori looked over his shoulder, at the owl. She tilted her head so much it almost turned upside down, a trick that often got a chuckle out of him, though not this time. "Find Aryth. Tell him, 'I'm here'." After a single, affirming hoot, the bird took off and started circling overhead, going further out with each rotation.

Grigori could only wait. Wait and pray that everything will be fine.

„*”

A R Y T H M E T I K

Aryth sat on a moss-ridden parapet, his jaw and paws pressed against the cool, crumbling stone with a look of complete boredom. He was lonely here, lonelier than he’d ever been in his life. Even when he was an orphaned child wandering the College, at least he had his books. In Freeman’s Fortress, the scholar was surrounded by brawling rebels and barking highlanders. They were planning a war while he was dreaming of a better future. Even catching a glimpse of the Rebel King Jacob’s golden pelt was, while inspiring, not comforting. Nimue was adventuring for the Voice, Grigori was trapped in the Imperial barracks, and the profession that Arythmetik loved most—teaching and tutoring—was taken from him. From time to time, the gruff rebels asked for his learned opinion on something, but it wasn’t the same. Aryth could not be himself here.


But better to be lonely, and hope to see Grigori another day, than be dead.


Suddenly, a familiar sight brought a spark of life to the man’s eyes. He looked up, emerald gaze brightening at the sight of Elsie. She cooed and soared toward the treeline. Arythmetik knew he was supposed to follow. His heart started pounding as he raced down the uneven stairs, through Inverness, and into the forest. This was the realm of the Fae, a dangerous place, but Aryth barely believed these superstitions. While he was questioning some myths, he realized that he and Grigori accidentally stumbled into these woods on their honeymoon and nothing dastardly happened to them. Well, unless getting separated by the draft counted.


But it didn’t matter. Even if Aryth was afraid, it wouldn’t have stopped him. He raced forward, breathing hard and trying his best to follow the owl as she swooped through branches. Perhaps he would have lost her, if not for Grigori’s training. She almost seemed to ruffle her feathers at him impatiently, not understanding his desperation. He burst into a fragrant clearing and there… There he was. His cowboy. His guardian. His husband. Time slowed, the weight of it crushing Aryth’s heart. It felt like a lifetime since he’d seen him, held him. Tears welled in his eyes.


Aryth rushed forward to embrace Grigori. Into his fur, he murmured, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

code by claerie

The best Grigori could do was to stop thinking. Fortunately, that is one skill a wolf has plenty of opportunities to polish in the army. Whenever he was on guard duty, or patrolling, time passed by more quickly when he stopped thinking. After all, what could he think of if not the life he had before whispers of war have started? Especially here, especially now, hoping he was about to once more have a taste of it. A fraction of it, rather.. but the most important one.

Elizabeth has returned eventually, flying by with clear intent to be seen.. and then she left once more, likely off to hunt, leaving the cowboy to wonder if she was successful with her task or not. But he didn't have to wonder long - a wolf ran out of the dark forest, none other than Aryth. Grigori could finally let his emotions run free, knowing they'll be nothing but relief now instead of a thousand potential worries. And then joy, when the smaller male all but crashed into him for an embrace before he could even say anything. Resting his chin on the back of Aryth's neck and pulling him closer, Grigori smiled at the irony of the scholar's first words. After all, the imperial barracks were probably the safest place in Rionnach - until the war truly starts, at the very least - while it was Aryth who had suddenly sent a cryptic message that barely let Grigori get any sleep.

But more importantly than that, with his husband right next to him, Grigori finally felt like he was home again, after so many excruciatingly long and lonely weeks. "I've missed ye..." The blonde brute pulled back, but only just, before leaning down to press their lips together. Every day he'd spent in the army, he wished for this kiss, knowing it might not happen until the war ends. Well, it happened much sooner, although for all he knows the circumstances that led to this might be as unexpected and volatile as the war itself.

He didn't want to move an inch now, yet he had to know - what could have happened while they were apart? So he merely angled his head down, resting his forehead against Aryth's. "What happened? Yer message.. it sounded like ye might be in danger." The only clue he had was the smell on Aryth's coat, that of many wolves mixed... much like what he knew from the imperial army, yet also obviously not. And that one clue wasn't enough for him to piece it together, no matter how desperately he might try.

„*”

A R Y T H M E T I K

Aryth breathed in the kiss the way a drowning man gasps the first, life-saving lungful of oxygen. There was desperation intermingled with relief. But above all, there was passion and joy. The scholar’s sparkling, emerald eyes, as green as the hills of Rionnach themselves, met the bemused but loving gaze of his stone-eyed husband. To be reminded of Grigori’s power, standing there like a mountain in the mist, blond and large and handsome…it was everything Arythmetik needed. “I’ve missed you more than I can say,” he agreed. When they were apart, they were without a home. It had been the loneliest few weeks of Arythmetik’s life.


After a moment, the russet male pressed himself against Grigori’s broad chest. Yet he peeked around the cowboy-turned-soldier’s shoulder. “Are you sure you weren’t followed?” he whispered conspiratorially. His ears swiveled forward, listening for any suspicious sounds in the forest, then flattened somberly against his skull. Speaking softly so only his husband could possibly hear, he explained: “I am in danger, if your conscription denotes the unforgiving nature of war. Some…things happened.” He paused, shifting on his feet, but unwilling to let go of his embrace. Partially so he could keep his voice utterly quiet. “Princess Mhairi ran away from home to join her cousin Jacob’s side. I can’t help but feel that my teachings swayed her subconsciously. Surely the parliament, and her parents, would see me as a traitor to the crown. I did not wait around to find out.” Aryth closed his eyes. “Also, I lied to get Nimue out of prison. So…there was only one safe place for me to go.”


Freeman’s Fortress, of course.

code by claerie

"Well, so far no one's been curious where I go when I say I'm takin' my owl out.." Of course, getting a message from Aryth could have changed that. But if the army tried to get between them.. they would learn to regret that choice.

More importantly, Grigori couldn't possibly have been prepared for the explanation that followed. Shortly after Aryth has started, he opened his mouth to comment on it, thinking 'surely that's enough to already constitute everything that's happened' - but the scholar just kept going. And going. The cowboy took in a big breath, and held it until he was sure the other male was done.

It was a lot to process, so he decided to just handle it by the order he was given. "Listen, I know ye, and I ain't gonna believe ye were anything but the best teacher for her. Just.. I s'pose I shouldn't have joked about her bein' in the rebellious age?" He said with a tentative smile. It was no joking matter, of course - a princess doing something like this could shake the entire country. But sometimes its situations like this that especially need some humor. And in the end, what other explanation could he offer? It was still easier to believe than Aryth being to blame.

Although, with the jailbreak, Grigori found himself somewhat less understanding. "But with the prison - what were ye thinkin'? What was she thinkin' that she let ye do it?" The blonde brute could only guess it was related to the protest, he's heard about it in the army, seen the soldiers that were recovering from injuries sustained during it. That Nimue got herself arrested on the occasion, didn't particularly surprise him. She looked like a trouble magnet on the best days. "Is it worth gettin' out early just to be wanted for escapin' instead of havin' a clean slate? And usin' yer position to do that, that's... that's wrong. The guards believed ye and I don't even wanna think what kind of trouble it got 'em in." Grigori sighed. He didn't really know any soldiers particularly well, but many seemed like good wolves. They didn't deserve being lied to by someone they should be able to trust - someone who's been teaching the princess. Maybe it was weird that he got so hung up on this, as ultimately it was irrelevant in light of the much bigger princess problem. But.. it just didn't sit right with him.

And top it off, if the combination of the mixed scents and the mention of 'only one place' were anything to go by, Aryth's gone and joined Jacob's side. "I... I'm not sure if 'safe' is the worth I'd use for rebel army. We could've just hid somewhere, couldn't we? In the mountains, or.. or..." Here, his conviction quickly trailed off along with his voice as the full weight of the consequences started to sink in. Aryth couldn't go back to his life at the college if he was considered a traitor - even after the war. That is.. unless Jacob wins. "Fuck. Sorry, I just realized-" And it was painful. The russet male seemed to be holding up pretty well, all things considered, but.. Grigori pulled the other male in to hold him tighter again. "I know what it's like, and.. I wish ye didn't have to. But yer not alone. I'm with ye, no matter what." The cowboy knew what it was like to lose everything in one's life, to be an outcast. He went through it on his own - and that, at least, is one woe Aryth will be spared.

„*”

A R Y T H M E T I K

The scholar wasn’t sure how he expected Grigori to react. Disapproval was not the word that popped into his mind, however. Perhaps he expected the cowboy to be shocked, even distressed. But the piety in the sassenach’s voice furrowed Aryth’s brows. Slowly, as his husband spoke, his eyes widened. Logically, he understood why Grigori was acting this way—because it was how he would have acted three years ago. Open rebellion and endangering himself or others was not his style. But emotionally, Aryth couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His heart started to pound faster, aching with every beat. Realization set in for his husband and Grigori tried to pull him closer, but Aryth shook his head and broke away. He stared firmly, hurt and disbelieving, at the love of his life.


“Are you with me?” he asked, his voice still soft but edged with fire. His words were no longer the crackling campfire that kept a pair warm on a cold night. There was a hint of wilderness, something dormant now awakened, in the flame. “I only learned to be this way because of you. You taught me to be brave, to stand up for myself. And I wouldn’t be true to myself if I let a woman rot in jail when she’d done nothing wrong. I knew the parliament was corrupt the minute they forced you to join the army against your will. Can’t you see that?” Ever the intellectual, Aryth scanned the treeline, pausing to make sure no one was listening to their conversation. Then he turned back to face Grigori.


“I know you just want us to be safe. But there was a time in your life when you sought justice at all costs. And how dare you tell me I was wrong to free a friend when you’ve mur—” Aryth caught himself. His jaw froze and he closed his eyes. There was no reason to bring that up just to hurt his husband. That’s not what he wanted. He continued quickly, “What I did do wrong was not teach Mhairi that peace is the ultimate goal. I preached justice over peace and made a terrible mistake. The Voice may be the one with the right ideas in all this after all. But I’m stuck with Jacob’s Army now and must live up to my consequences.” Then Aryth’s voice trembled as he whispered, “I don’t want to be alone, mo chridhe. But I can’t ask you to break the law like I did. Especially if you think I was wrong.”

code by claerie

To say Grigori was surprised would be an understatement. He stared at the russet male dumbfounded after he pulled away, the cool night air quickly filling in the space between them. "I-" What kind of question was that? Of course he was. Disapproving of one thing wasn't going to change that. But before he could say as much, the scholar continued. So now it's his fault that Aryth has done that? No. What he taught Aryth was how to be safe, how to not have to fear the world in moments when he has no one else to fall back on. What Aryth did was.. something else entirely. "Then it sure is lucky she was the only one in here, eh? Or else ye wouldn't be true to yerself without lettin' 'em all out." He snapped back impulsively, driven with frustration. It's not even like he couldn't entirely understand why Aryth's made that choice. But he couldn't understand why he was acting like it was the objectively right thing to do. "No other prisoners to see what would look like a privileged dandy pullin' some strings to get a friend out of trouble, right?" No, that would be too much like the reason why he had to leave his homeland - a wolf in position of power doing whatever they want with it. Like- no... that wasn't a fair to thing to think. What that wolf has done was nothing but malicious, Aryth didn't deserve that comparison...

But the words his husband lashed out with cut even deeper than that would have, even if they were left unfinished. Grigori stared at him with wide eyes. Then, he looked down. "Yeah... right. What do I know.." He stepped off to the side, staring at the lavender flowers around his paws. Somehow, he could barely feel the smell. "Killin's all I'm good for, anyway." It was a pain he never felt until now, to hear such accusation from the lips of the one wolf who, until now, has only ever helped him learn to accept himself, to see something of value in himself. Somewhere deep down, he knew better than than to accept it as truth. But it still hurt. His legs buckled down under him, forcing him to sit.

For a while, he kept quiet. Maybe it would be better for him to say nothing more, seeing as none of this would have happened if he said nothing about the prisonbreak. But.. he didn't want to leave things like this. "I've done... many things. Most of them I thought necessary. But I never, not once, thought they are right." His voice was strained, and he kept looking off to the side. If you get your hands dirty to make things right, you don't get to have the luxury of moral high ground. Otherwise, before you know it, you end up throwing protesters who disagree with you in prison. "But I know leavin' the army to be with ye would be right, even if they call it a crime. Even if love wasn't a reason enough - and it is - I made ye a promise the day I married ye." Who would he be hurting by doing this, anyway? No one.. at least, not until they try to stop him. But that would be their mistake, not his. "I don't know who has the right of it, and by what small margin it is. I don't anyone who can be objectively called just. I always had doubts, but.. when I do things for family - for us - I have none. This one thing I know to be right."

„*”

A R Y T H M E T I K

The guilt struck Arythmetik deep. Grigori was right. Nimue was the only prisoner he freed, while so many others remained behind bars to suffer. Even Nimue had mentioned it—he could have freed someone else, someone who needed it more. Logically, he knew that was foolish. Nimue was best for the lie because of her noble heritage, and if he freed her, he knew she would do more good helping the Voice free other prisoners in time. But logic has a funny way of crumbling in the face of other wolves’ pain. At the time, he knew the decision he was making was difficult, perhaps even callous. But he’d never thought of himself as a privileged dandy pulling strings to selfishly help a friend. Is that really how Grigori saw him…?


Through eyes bleary with tears, he watched Grigori fall back onto his haunches. The pity card wasn’t fair. Of course Arythmetik didn’t see his husband as a killer. He wasn’t just a murderer. So it’d be foolish to think Grigori saw him simply as a privileged dandy.


And yet, suddenly, the distance between them seemed vast. Like there was a canyon between them, deeper than the physical space that separated them only a day ago.


In spite of this, the sassenach had something beautiful to say. In the way so many beautiful things are sharp and dangerous, the sentiments of familial loyalty and love sliced Aryth across the heart. He was bleeding and he couldn’t stop. Tears slipped down the russet fur of his cheeks and he hated that he was crying. “You’ve never wanted to pick a side, mo chridhe. And why should you? This isn’t your homeland. When I told you I supported Jacob, you said you thought he was wrong to stir up trouble. And now that I’m trying to help the Voice by protecting the people, I’m just a ‘privileged dandy.’ Well…you can’t go your entire life without choosing to believe in something, Grigori. And you clearly can’t believe in me. So you’ll have to choose something else.” There was conviction beside the pain in Arythmetik’s voice. “Don’t join Jacob’s Army just because I’m there. You’re good for more than killing. It’s not who you are. And I don’t ever want you to be that on my account again. If you’d rather go hide in the mountains until this is all over, I understand. I’ll come with you if that’s what you want. But if we’re caught, I’ll be put on trial for treason. Personally, I’m tired of hiding. Maybe it’s not what you meant to teach me, but you did.”

code by claerie

Out of all the things Aryth has said in response, one has stuck to him. You clearly can't believe in me. Is that true? He thought that his different perspective helped the russet male see things more clearly. That by second-guessing Aryth's convictions, much like he did his own, he was helping Aryth refine them into something that he'd be sure not to regret later down the line. But has he ever simply agreed? He couldn't recall. If anything, it likely was at most 'well, yer a better wolf, so ye probably know better'. An unconvinced platitude.

Maybe it's true that in his uncertainty in what to believe, he's made certain not to believe in anything.

Or.. is it perhaps the opposite, in a way? Maybe he's told himself Aryth is the better wolf too many times, believed too strongly that if there's anyone who could find a perfect solution where there is none, it would be him? "I only wanted to say this is what they must've seen... but yer right. Gettin' Nim out is better than simply leavin' her in, even if it's unfair to others. Just... just like I'd kill bandits who threaten ye, even if it leaves their families torn." Maybe all anyone can really do is do what's best for themselves, and want distinguishes the good from the bad is merely avoiding unnecessary harm along the way.

Slowly, Grigori stood up and, after taking a deep breath, turned to face the other wolf. His attention was immediately drawn to Aryth's tears, and it was gut-wrenching to know that they were his fault. He had to be better than this. He had to. "I thought I believed in ye, but.. ye might be right. I s'pose I just believed ye to be perfect instead. And nobody can be that." Yet.. being less than perfect doesn't have to be anything wrong. "But I want to believe in ye. And if I don't know how, then.. then show me. Just like ye believed in me all this time, and.. I hope ye still do." He couldn't promise to get this right away, but he'll never stop trying.

„*”

A R Y T H M E T I K

Aryth shook his head again, trying to blink away the tears. His heart was still pounding, but he was starting to calm down. He had never been so worked up in his life—probably not even when the bandits were attacking him. There was nothing more frightening to him than the threat of losing Grigori. “I don’t want you to kill anymore, Grigori, and I don’t want to contribute to killing. It’s why I helped Nimue escape in the first place. I’m just lowborn, Grigori. A peasant. I’m a scholar, not a leader. But she’s noble in more ways than one. Helping her escape means she’s going to protect so many more wolves than I ever could. I don’t care whether or not the other prisoners understood that. I care whether or not you understand.” The male took a shaky step forward. “I do believe in you. I believe you love me… I believe you want to do the right thing… But if you’re going to believe in me, that means something more now. I want to help protect the wolves of Rionnach. Right now, the only way I can do that is offering counsel to Highlander chieftains on how to avoid involving civilians. I wish I could join Nimue in the Ayr but it’s still too dangerous. For once, I’m trying to preserve myself, not to save my own skin, but…for you. I don’t want to hurt you by getting myself killed.” Aryth took another step closer. He practically whispered, “So what do you want to do, mo chridhe? If you really think I’m just a dandy, then please wait for me in the mountains, and I’ll come find you if and when I’m ready. But if you really believe in something…tell me.”

code by claerie