[ P ] a present for you

It had taken much more time than Leoric had calculated in his head, considering Sif seemed to think she was stronger than she was. While he admired her perseverance, it was also mildly annoying. However, there wasn't a chance that he would ever voice such an observation to the ornery woman.

He walked alongside her, making some idle comments here and there; checking in periodically that she was still feeling okay to travel. In a moments notice, he had no problem swinging her up onto his soldiers and carrying her the rest of the way - hell, they could have made it to the professors home in half the time. Regardless, he understood wanting to keep hold of your dignity.

...

Hours later, and they approached the steps leading up to Khepris door. The soldier had been much more familiar with the Lowlands in his youth, though he had hardly stepped foot here since. There was only a few recent memories - all he wanted to forget as quickly as possible, to erase her face and everything that happened... the thoughts made his body stiffen, muscles tightening and he had to force them to relax again so Sif didn't feel as if she were leaning against a brick wall.

"We're here," he spoke, lightening his voice to something more casual and positive than what was dwelling within his mind. "Once we get up the steps, I'll knock - you just sit pretty," he grinned then as they approached the steps, and he assisted her as best as he could on each one up.

Once they were on the little platform, Leoric ensured that Sif was steady in her stance before moving forward to knock upon the professors door.

If he should answer after a few moments, the soldier would greet him with a forced smile, gesturing towards Sif with a knowing, raised brow. "Oh good, you're okay." he breathed a sigh of relief he didn't realize he was holding, then glanced between the two before addressing Khepri again. "Protest went sideways... she needs help and the Army is admittedly overrun with injury. I thought the best place to take her was to you - though she had a little protest of her own," he added the last bit under his breath, so that only the other man could hear. "I'll come back in a couple of days to check on both of you, okay? I'm stationed at the cells once I return; covering Sif's shifts too. I'll be back as soon as I can." he shifted his weight, about to leave but hesitated. "Khepri, I would advise you be careful who you allow around yourself, and especially Sif, going forward. Tensions seem to be very high right now, and rumours of a Jacobian army are becoming more common... that girl I told you about? She was one of them." he swallowed bitterly, regarding the man somberly before beginning to step down from his home. "Be careful!" he called over his shoulder, nodding towards Sif if she was still coherent before jogging back along the path in which he had come.

-- exit Leo after dumping Sif at Khepris doorstep --

khepri tiamat.

Time seemed to drag on as the day of the protest grew nearer and nearer. Khepri was an emotional wreck just thinking about his friends and family getting caught up in anything violent and he prayed to whatever God would listen that things would not go south. He was so busy worrying that he hardly noticed the knock at his door. Turning his head, he swallowed the hard lump in his throat and got up to check and see who it was. Blinking rapidly, he stared at Leoric, about to ask him how he knew where he lived when he noticed Sif standing not to far away. His ears perked up and his eyes grew wide as he noticed her injuries. He opened his mouth to speak, but Leoric beat him to it. "Oh good, you're okay. Protest went sideways... she needs help and the Army is admittedly overrun with injury. I thought the best place to take her was to you - though she had a little protest of her own." It seemed like his worst fears had come true and his friends had been caught up in the crossfire. The fact that Sif would protest coming here was no surprise to him, she must get tired of him seeing her like this, though Khepri himself didn't mind. He found himself at her side before Leoric could finish speaking.

"I'll come back in a couple of days to check on both of you, okay? I'm stationed at the cells once I return; covering Sif's shifts too. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"O-Okay, I'll take care of her," he said shakily as he looked at the Army man and then back to Sif.

Before Leoric took his leave, he had one last piece of advice to share that shook Khepri to his core. "Khepri, I would advise you be careful who you allow around yourself, and especially Sif, going forward. Tensions seem to be very high right now, and rumours of a Jacobian army are becoming more common... that girl I told you about? She was one of them." The girl they'd talked about in Ayr was one of them? His stomach churned and he felt more nausea threaten to overtake him. Leoric had spoke so highly of her and now... he must be devastated, Khepri at least knew he would be in that case. He had no particular political leanings himself but he was more loyal to the crown than Jacob, seeing as Jacob and his rebellious wars had put his entire family at risk more than once.

With that, he was gone and they were alone.

Khepri's eyes filled with moisture but didn't dare cry before her. He swallowed his tears and drew a breath as he looked her over. He lifted a paw to touch her face if she did not draw away. "I'm so glad you're okay... please, come in... let's tend to those wounds." he said. He rested against her side to help her in, should she need it, and led her to the bed where she could grow comfortable once again.

table by hale. image from unsplash.

SIF ASGAUT
Bulletproof, Nothing to Lose

Agitation reared its ugly head but fatigue remained far stronger at the jailer telling her to sit pretty, finding it rather demeaning and uncalled for for him to tell a woman such a thing. About the only thing to temper that boiling ember in her stomach was the fact he seemed to be kidding, though she wasn’t the best at jokes, taking most things literally. She wouldn’t sit pretty but she would rest at least, putting gentle daggers into his back that he wouldn’t likely be able to feel, if not for the comment but for him acting like the one with the big britches. If she was a little more energetic, she might have nipped his ear but she reluctantly remained in place worry quickly taking over any other feeling as it took a while for any response.

Khepri please no…

A flash of gold, false gold. Yes of caramel, a face so soft. A sigh of relief quickly flushed from her lungs, staring at the man with a desire to cry but no such tears would come to blossom. She went to get up, ignoring Leoric’s along monologue but before she could get very far, company was within her grasp as she subconsciously allowed herself to take some of his support. Far more willing to feel his body against her own, though she still didn’t relax, staring up at Khepri without her gaze ever breaking from him. The jailer’s voice was like a numbing buzz in the back of her mind but a buzz she couldn’t ignore either, forever aware there were three here right now to the point that fixation would break.

Taking in the coat of the other man, her tail swayed just a little but more so wishing he’d just be quiet already which would soon be granted. “Thank you, Cain, for everything,” she managed to slip in before he could leave, both relieved he would finally be able to breath but also upset he was treating her like she was nothing more than a helpless child that needed tending. She was more tired than injured, at least in her own mind. He saved both her and Nassar, there was no denying that.

As she was left in the warmth of a candle, her gaze found focus on Khepri, not pushing his paw from her face but leaning into it, gaze sheepishly looking away from his own. Unlike with Leoric, she would take his aid, remaining quiet but rather than going all the way to the bed like he desired, once they were inside she’d draw from his shoulder in means to move slightly ahead of him. With the seclusion from the outside, she’d fall against his chest where all her weight would collapse into him, burying her face into his fur so her visage would remain hidden from view.

Silent.

Vulnerable.

code by claerie

khepri tiamat.

The moment they were inside she collapsed against him and buried her face into the thick fur on his chest. His body stiffened as a moment of tense shock gripped him but relatively quickly, it was gone. He lowered his head and pressed his face to her neck, honey brown eyes closing slowly as he raised an arm to pull her into a tight hug. Inside, his heart was thumping wildly against his ribcage, and he knew that if she listened she would be able to hear it. His mind wandered back to that day he'd gone to Ayr to send the bird, and to what he'd told Leoric. As he cradled her in his arms, he realized that he more than cared for Sif...

Despite everything, he cared so deeply for her that he now knew she was not just a friend. At least, to him. He... loved her. He hadn't experienced this feeling in years, not since Rose. He knew it then and he knew it now.

"Sif I--" he began, but quickly closed his mouth and sighed. What was he supposed to say at a time like this? He knew what he wanted to say but he didn't dare say it because he feared her reaction. In this moment he could believe that she cared for him as more than a friend, but in reality was that true? He didn't know if he could handle the rejection and so he just kept quiet for now. The silence hung around them, heavy at first but the longer they remained the lighter it felt. He opened his eyes and swallowed, pulling his head away briefly so that he could look down at her. If she did not move, he would place a kiss atop her head.

Warmth filled him as he thought to himself if I can't say it, I can show it...

table by hale. image from unsplash.

SIF ASGAUT
Bulletproof, Nothing to Lose

She’d only sink more and more into him when he didn’t withdraw or push her away, allowing him to draw her in more and more till their bodies were hard to tell apart from one another if it wasn’t for the dark charcoal that coated her like soot. The shadow cast by the sun upon her back, but that shadow was shrinking, replaced by the golden glow of another, soon nearly all of the shadow would be swept away from view. There was no tension like months ago, where his touch was like spikes, she found comfort in it far more now than ever before and unlike when she was sick she didn’t have to keep from him. She could be greedy, she could soak up all the warmth he had to offer her and she didn’t want him to let go.

Her name only made her nuzzle into him more, not wanting to talk, just wanting this moment to last for a long while and yet tears started to well up. Part of her thought he’d tell her she should lay down till her drifted off, that she shouldn’t be upright till he looked over the damage. That damage was none of her concern, the hole was far more prominent in her heart and it hurt beyond belief no matter how much his presence alone offered her relief. She didn’t understand it, she just knew he was what ebbed it away if only enough for it to be tolerable.

At his movement, that last thread was cut and she nearly followed his form without thinking but then shock came at the feeling of a tongue brushing against her crown.It was then the dam broke, tears starting to drain into his fur though it was a slow steady stream and nothing so heavy. “I was afraid of losing you and I can’t find my daughter,” she wept, the sound of crying still absent from her voice but it would slowly grow with each influx of lyrics as she vented all the pain that ailed her, and she couldn’t say to anyone else.

“I killed someone, and I don’t even know if they truly deserved it, I came into the scene late… I don’t know who started the carnage. For all I know it could have been self-defense and I took her life assuming she was-,” she gulped, taking in air, her ability to keep herself upright starting to fade. She could numb it all in the moment, on the battlefield, while working but it all came in like a waterfall.

“And..I don’t even know if I can trust my own comrades…” she whimpered a little, Ardis’ rage still clear in her mind, that treasonous act. She thought it would all bind them, that only Yaroslav had been the bad egg in the army but today had proved her wrong. Today, she left not even knowing whose side she should be on.

Today was hell.

code by claerie

khepri tiamat.

Their bodied seemed to tangle and become one the longer they remained together, her dark fur melding into his softer coat like it was always meant to be that way. He was about to nuzzle into her again when he felt the wetness of her tears upon his chest. He had seen her vulnerable many times before but he couldn't recall in the moment whether he'd ever seen her cry. Fear instantly racked his body as his mind told him 'you did something wrong' but it wasn't that.

It was... something else entirely.

“I was afraid of losing you and I can’t find my daughter,” she told him.

The words echoed around in his skull more than they should have. She was afraid of... losing him? His heart fluttered, but he had to calm himself and think about Aurora too. Picturing the girl in a riot sent him into a state of panic, even if he managed to keep it on the inside for now. "Did you see her there? Maybe she didn't go to the protest... maybe she's looking for you, too."

He didn't know if his words would help calm her any, but her next words nearly sent him over the edge. "W-What?" he said, though he didn't pull back because he didn't figure she'd show him her face at this point. She'd killed someone? He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, with her current job and all, but she sounded shaken up about it... like it had been an accident. These things happened when things got out of hand sadly and while he was upset by the thought of someone dying, especially by Sif's paw, he could understand she was probably just doing her job. It was her duty to quell unrest and if someone wasn't allowing that to happen and too many soldiers got involved things could take a turn for the worst quickly. He swallowed and lifted his head at her last comment, about not being able trust her own comrades.

"Can you tell me exactly what happened out there?"

What made her distrust her fellow soldiers? Were this injuries from one of them? His blood ran cold at the very thought. Had a Jacobite infiltrated the ranks and turned on them at the last minute? Anything could have happened and he was too caught up in getting the story to notice that her strength was fading fast.

table by hale. image from unsplash.

SIF ASGAUT
Bulletproof, Nothing to Lose

The fluctuation in his heart could be heard beat by beat with her head against his chest, making her uncertain what exactly was going on in his head, just knowing it was some form of arrhythmia. Was it caused by fear? Happiness? She tried to focus on it to calm herself down, though it was hardly a good beat to breathe to, far too rapid but it gave her something to count at least. 1 2 3 4 she’d repeat over and over in her head like a waltz, distracting herself to some degree but with the flood pouring out of her mind into her mouth, there was no truly gaining a grip. Not right now as his voice entered her ears, breaking the rhythm she mentally recited.


“Khep…you know we live in Castle Stuart, that was where the protests were. She didn’t have to take part to get caught up in it.Even her favorite bookstore was taken up in violence… and her favorite hiding spot away from the maids assigned to her,” she breathed against his chest, wanting to pull her face away just so oxygen could more easily enter her nostrils but to let him go at all, she didn’t want to risk him pulling from her thinking she could handle him withdrawing.

His lack of reaction to her killing someone was almost hollow on her ears, that stutter wasn’t one of fear but shock more than anything, she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. He knew what she did for a living, he hadn’t run from her back at the lake when she told him she was an executioner but at the same time to confess she might have killed an innocent wolf, shouldn’t he be a little more concerned? There was a word that kept echoing in her head but not meeting her lips just yet, his voice once again picking up and canceling her out.

She was quiet for a long few moments, trying to gather herself, trying to put effort into answering his question coherently instead of just venting it like she did a moment to. Her sobs would start to lessen more and more as she took that moment to breathe, to think. “Cain, Nassar and I…we had killed that protester together in a way, we all had a hand in it, though my blow was what did her in. The other soldier with us, I think Ardis was his name. I haven’t seen him much before since he wasn’t in my sector when I still held rank,” she wasn’t sure that was right either, but it was the name that came to mind. “He tried to attack me in retaliation for what we did…the other two defended me without question. Cain took him down so fast,” she finished.

Resting there for a couple more seconds, she would finally lift her head to look at Khepri, tears matting her cheeks but only on the left side where a duct still remained. “Was he right? Are we…am I a monster? Am I the bad guy?” she asked barely above a whisper, knowing that was what the boy had meant even if he had said it in a roundabout way. She wanted to believe what she had done was right. When it first happened, she believed she had, believed taking down one meant she was protecting the people for more violence. That was what she was trying to do yet she drove someone to a death sentence after just killing another. The whole situation was ash on her tongue.

code by claerie

khepri tiamat.

Khepri didn't know exactly what to expect from her but the tale she wove was one of tragedy and betrayal. He sighed deeply, wishing again that none of this had ever happened. He knew the punishment for such treason would likely be death and so it seemed the carnage was not yet over. "I-" he paused, unable to formulate a response within reason. There were too many emotions roiling within him at the moment for him to be able to decipher just how he felt about what Sif had done. She seemed remorseful, if anything, so that was something. It wasn't like she was out there killing citizens in cold blood.

She finally lifted her head to look at him and he peered down into her single sunset eye. Tears wet her face and without thinking he lifted a paw to draw it along her cheek comfortingly.

"You're not a monster, Sif. You're not the bad guy... at least not in my story."

He wasn't angry with her, or disgusted like she might think he would be. For some reason looking at her now made it all too easy to stomach. "You questioning yourself is proof that you're not." he said. "You were doing your job and things got out of hand... I just didn't expect things to go this far."

table by hale. image from unsplash.

SIF ASGAUT
Bulletproof, Nothing to Lose

Her gaze searched his face, ears drawing back to find him speechless making her heart deflate as she only expected that meant her questions were indeed the truth. Just as she was about to pull away, flee from the cottage to get a breath and take everything she felt with her and away from him, allowing him back into his innocence a paw would stop her. Slowly her head would turn back to him, resting against that limb once more on impulse as much as she wanted to equally smack it away and tell him the knot that twisted in her stomach, she wouldn’t. Chasing him away had never gotten her anywhere before, it only made him chase her faster. His denial of doing so didn’t change that fact, didn’t change his paws always would locate her steps no matter how far she tried to run. To save both of their feelings but to ultimately protect her heart.

Running did nothing for her.

Running wasn’t an escape but just another loop back into her prison but at least this prison was warm and soft, not coated in blood and stone. Though she’d notice a few flakes of her wound from her neck upon his chin, making her glance away before meeting his gaze once more as he spoke.

He was trying to chase away the nightmares and fill it with fairytales, it seemed she was a sucker for being so soft, so quick to try to see the good in others. Her opposite. Taking in a shaken breath, had the the ability she might have hugged herself then and stepped back to look at him in full but she did neither option, only taking in the face that lingered so close she could feel his breath upon her face. She didn’t know how true those words were but they sounded more logical than most things he would sputter and flounder over trying to defend whatever it was that made him constantly let her back in.

Glancing down, she took in a shaken breath and the residue of her tears upon his chest. “Am I…” she started, pausing for a moment, feeling stupid for the thing she was about to ask. “...a main character in your story or only an ink blot that will be forgotten as the pages turn?” she asked gently, looking up at him. Her lips gently brushed his, testing the waters, if he didn’t pull away. She couldn’t read but she had heard Aurora read enough to her to understand the concept of a book, the fiction ones far more entertaining than the ones based on reality. Much like the stories her father would tell.

code by claerie

khepri tiamat.

He didn't really know what else to say to make her believe she wasn't the monster here; that things had just... gotten out of control. He longed to see the good in others, no matter the cost. It was one of his fatal flaws.

But he didn't have to search to find the good in Sif, it was there just beneath the surface. He saw the pride she took in her work, the love she showed for daughter, the regret she carried for her mistakes... all of these things made her good in his eyes.

As she glanced down, he watched her a little cautiously, wondering what she must be thinking. Was she still worrying over Aurora? He could offer to go find her now that things had died down but before he could open his mouth she asked him a question. He looked into her eye and shook his head, a soft smile on his lips as a gentle huff of air escaped him. "I could never forget you," he whispered.

She was not something to be discarded when he was bored she was... so much more than that to him.

When she looked back up at him again he wanted to show her how much she meant to him, he just didn't know how. Before he could react, her lips pressed gently against his and he froze, his breathing hitching slightly. But he didn't let his surprise get the better of him, instead he would fall into this moment like he'd wanted to so many times before and press his lips more deeply against hers.

table by hale. image from unsplash.