[ P ] my mother, my monster

The happy child romped through the fae forest, looking for a faerie friend of his own to play with. Mama told him never to go there. Little ones get lost in that forest, she'd warned him, never to be seen or heard from again. The pup wasn't afraid. He'd played around the edges of the forest and nothing had happened. Mama always told him stories that were supposed to scare him, but he didn't believe that the fae were bad like in the stories. They were misunderstood like him.

A kind woman found him and she promised to introduce him to the fae. He was so excited that he followed the stranger deeper into the forest, obediently sitting himself in the faerie circle which she assured him would take him into their world. He looked up at her, staring into those pretty purple eyes, smiling innocently. No! Run! a voice screamed from within, but the pup did not move. Her jaws sank into his neck, tearing into his flesh and white hot pain jolted through his tiny body.

Zoltan awoke screaming and thrashing, feeling as if the jaws of death were wrapped around his throat again. He shook his head vigorously and sat up, panting heavily. The scars on his neck throbbed as if the old wound had reopened. Blood. He could taste blood. A dream so vivid he could still smell, taste and feel death.

The woman's face, her voice, her eyes had never been clearer before. For years she had been a monster haunting his dreams and it was her arms in which he had run to for safety after waking. Her voice which had cooed him back to sleep. His mother and his monster. One and the same.

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Elwynn had heard his screams in the night before he'd woke and she'd wondered just what her beloved son was dreaming about. She watched his body twist, like a demon possessed him, before finally he snapped awake. "Zoltan?" she whispered into the night. The brush around her moved so slightly as she slipped the rest of the way through that hardly any leaves fell from their branches. In moments, she was at his side. She knew about the nightmares, about how he dreamed of her when he was young... about how he did not remember. But of course she never said a thing.

No, she'd never say anything and she'd let the nightmares continue for as long as they would. It was all she could do because he was all she had. When others came and went, Zoltan remained.

"Shh... shh... it's just a dream." she cooed into his ear as she crouched down to be beside him. "Mother's here." she whispered, her soft voice drifting on the cool breeze that surrounded them. It swirled ominously, brushing her shoulder as if to warn her, but she heeded no warning. She stayed close to her son and she tried her best to comfort him in the night, not knowing that it was her face he saw in his dreams now.

"You'll always be safe with me," she promised.

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Tears warmed his icy blue gaze as the misery consumed him. It mercilessly tore at him like a carcass being feasted on by hungry wolves. Every memory of her kind smile, warm maternal gaze warped into the bloodied grin and the wild violent eyes that had tormented him for years. He trembled and felt nausea bubbling in his stomach. It couldn't be true. Her voice called to him and she came as she always did to sooth him. He froze when she drew closer to him, muzzle brushing against his ear as she comforted him. He remembered standing in her shadow, how small he had felt looking up to her from the fairy circle. He remembered her jaws lunging for him, tearing into his throat and squeezing his tiny windpipe. The scarred flesh on his neck burned as if he could still feel the pinch of her fangs.

Monster. Mother. Sacrifice. Son. The conflicting memories clawed wildly from within his skull and for a moment he feared his head might explode. "N-No," it began as a soft plea, all the noise he could muster in his panicked state. Danger. Danger. Panic was screaming at him to get away. "Get away!" Zoltan snarled, adrenaline burning through his veins and snapping him out of his stupor. Hurt. Pain. Fear. Love. Comfort. Safety. His whole world, the woman he had devoted his life to, everything was a lie.

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It seemed she could not calm him this night and she had to wonder why. Usually her voice brought him out of his panicked stupor and all was right with the world. They went back to sleep and come morning, he hardly even remembered the nightmares at all. "Darling, you're awake. It's me," she said softly, inching closer and he pushed away. She tried to envelop him in her arms, to comfort him and hold him.

"It's mother, dear." she said calmly. Her tone was even, precise, practiced. She wondered just what had thrown him into such a frenzy. "It's just a dream, darling." she added gently.

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Paralysed by fear he could only stand shaking as she came closer, those all consuming eyes drawing him in again, putting him under her spell. His scar pulsed, the skin feeling tight and pinched like teeth were gripping him. The ghost of her bite pierced deeper and his body bucked in a fit of panic. The blood, he could smell it again, taste it. Darling, you're awake. It's me, the mother-monster crooned and he knew it wasn't true. He couldn't be awake because the monster who wore his mother's skin was still there.

Her limbs curled around him like dark tendrils dragging him into the abyss. He would not die. He would not let her kill him. It's mother, dear. It's just a dream, darling, the thing with his mother's face cooed softly. Yes, a dream. He must still be trapped in his nightmare. Teeth bared, he attempted to bite her neck, feeling oddly gleeful about trying to kill the monster that had tormented him all of his life. He wanted to tear at it until it didn't look like her, until it stopped speaking with her voice and watching him with her eyes.

He let out an anxious laugh, blue eyes wild with fear and hatred. "You're not my mother! You're not! You're not! You're not!" he cried out, voice growing shrill and manic.

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It would seem he would not be swayed from his terror and while she did her best to console him, it only seemed to make things worse. Unexpectedly, he lashed out at her and for the first time in his life, he bit her. As she felt his teeth sink into her neck, she gasped. The dark woman's lilac eyes would widen as pain seeped from her wound... no, not just pain. Blood. "Zoltan," she whispered, a twinge of something foreign in her voice as darkness began to blur her vision. She had never felt this way before, but she knew if she didn't get away she wouldn't be feeling much of anything soon.

Elwynn wrenched herself from his jaws, only to worsen the wound on escape. Deep crimson red streaked across her black and brown fur, wrapping her in a macabre blanket she'd worn oh so many times before. It was never her blood that soaked her body so; she was shaken to the core, too shocked to do anything but stare. "M-My sweet Zoltan..." she managed, finding it hard to speak now. A faint feeling washed over her and she looked up at him again.

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The madness that swept through him carried him along helplessly like a body carried by a swirling tornado. Zoltan could not accept the reality where his mother was the monster in his dreams so he convinced himself he was still dreaming. If he finally killed the monster it would never bother him again and he could live peacefully with his beloved mother forever. It was this belief that gave his expression an odd sort of serenity even as the blood of the woman who he loved more than life itself stained his blue fur dark. Already he could sense that she was coming back to him. She was breaking through the nightmare's illusion and reaching out to him. "It's okay, Mama. We'll wake up soon," he hushed her and wrapped his forelegs around her so that he could hold her close.

He could smell and feel the blood drenching his fur, but it did not concern him in his detached madness. It was warm. He liked the warmth. It reminded him of her and she made him feel safe. It wouldn't be long now before they woke up and all was right again in Zoltan's world.

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The whole world began to spin as warm acceptance settled in. No the world wasn't spinning she was. Elwynn walked forward on unsteady paws as the life drained from her body. There was nothing she could do to stop it, the wound was fatal and she knew it, but in her mind she was... ready. It was poetic, in a way, that Zoltan had caused her downfall after so many other lives claimed. He would be the one to end it all. Yet, somehow she did not blame him. The pain and suffering that she'd wrought on this world would end with her death but her legacy would not be destroyed. No, it would live on through the tormented lives of those who knew not where their loved ones had gone.

"Yes, baby. We'll wake up soon. It'll all be... o...kay..." she breathed, finally collapsing at his bloody paws. She smiled gently as the warmth began to ebb from her body and her heavy eyelids finally closed. Everything stopped spinning as death cradled her in his arms. It would all be... okay.

[ exit elwynn for the final time ]

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He held her close enough to feel the wild beat of her heart as fear jolted through her system, close enough to feel her pulse slow to the lightest flutter. He felt her warm breath against his cheek as he rested his head on her shoulder. In out, in out, in out. Her life slowly drained with each slow gasp. "Yes, baby. We'll wake up soon. It'll all be... o...kay..." Her words sent a tremor of longing through his body, wanting the nightmare to end so that he could look into those violet eyes without seeing the monster lurking within them. He could hear his mother, he just needed to see her.

The weight of his mother’s limp body sank against his chest and he lowered her onto her side, snuggling her neck like he used to as a pup. He closed his eyes tight, praying to the fae to end his nightmare and let him wake up and be with his mother again. The sun would rise, darkness would fall, but he never left her side. Snowflakes settled on their forms, cold seeping into his weary frame, but he still didn’t leave her. He stayed until the cold stole froze him stiff and solid, until the snow covered him and finally they were together again.

Fade to death

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