Just Pretend
Professor
born under The Eldritch
8 years old
Male
Small
valerian
Mainlander
Rionna
encounters
Essie
I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you
Khepri nodded his head, understanding where she was coming from but also being unable to relate. "I can't imagine doing it," he admitted. That was neither here nor there, though. As conversation turned, his ears perked as she mentioned the forest. Memories dredged up of the terrible apparitions they'd both seen and the way Sif had shut down completely. He felt discomfort spread through his body again as he remembered, and he could only be agreeable with the idea of never returning there. "I don't blame you," he said. If her new position kept her from that place, he would understand even more so why she chose it. It seemed the memory did not bring about pleasantness for her either, and why would it? That man... whoever he was, was not a good man... that much Khepri was certain of. If he had seen Rose, he would have been delighted before becoming terrified but Sif had been frozen in fear and he'd never seen that from her before. She was so brave and strong, to see her like that was nothing short of a miracle and to think of the kind of monster that could put her in that place... well, Khepri was glad not to have to know him. He wanted to ask more about it, but decided against it in the moment. He leaned over and brushed his snout against her shoulder if she'd let him in a moment of attempting to comfort her. |
born under The Rivals
8 years old
Female
Extra Small
Fresh Snow
Lowlander
Rionna
Broken Skulls
Lunar
SIF ASGAUT
Her ears flicked at his comment, not having much to say that wouldn’t just make him uncomfortable and she was certain he knew it was something she was very much capable of. Even as a punishment for the worst crimes, many would argue it made her just as bad as the one getting the punishment and she couldn’t deny that, she was just as much a murderer as anyone else but not all her punishments were of that extreme. Half her job was just walking cells and ensuring the jailers were doing their jobs correctly. In one way it was a step up and in another it was a step down in her line of work, her reputation could easily be tarnished simply by having the rank she carried now even if she never had to do an execution, that’s all one would think of by hearing her title. How she saw it, she was a killer either way just one was glorified while the other wasn’t. Thinking of it, it was quite a comical enigma she walked and it seemed Khepri was one of those that saw it as evil but he wasn’t one to insult her either, keeping from saying anything she hadn’t heard already. Though to say he was supportive wouldn’t be the truth in the slightest, one thing was certain he didn’t appear afraid of her and that meant more to her. Had he run or back away, her heart very well might have sunk into her stomach.
She didn’t wish for others to fear her even if it gave her more breathing room. As he approached her, she was startled at first as her head raised just a tad in alert, though she did not stop him as his warm breath caressed her shoulder gently in reassurance before the cold tip of his nose would be felt. Her brow would scrunch just a little as she watched him pull away, recalling so many more things about that day that had been so overshadowed by the hellscape that she had nearly forgotten. By the end of that day, he had been a comfort for her, a safety blanket and yet she had clipped back to being so cold the moment she heard of his interactions with Aurora. Being harsh was perhaps an understatement of how she was behaving up till this second and yet he was still here, still lingering despite how much he clearly felt pushed away. “I think she was more upset that she thought you saw me, disappointed she was the one actually being addressed. She was waiting for me and I hadn’t returned till after the festivities were already over…she wanted so badly to go with me and I failed her,” she shook her head, dismissing his apology with her own guilt. Maybe that was what bothered her most of all, false hopes he just dashed more. Failures she kept committing that she was trying to make up for so much now that her brain was a little less cruel to her with visions and voices. The nightmares, however, were still a nightly horror that pricked her. Hesitation bubbled before she took another step forward, following after his small retreat, looking up at him with the faintest question in her eyes of consent on her doing so before she’d gently try to brush her snout under his chin. Hardly the most affectionate creature but if he offered comfort, she felt like trying to accept it now if it was still on the table to receive. The question was, would he feel like a safety net like the one time, or would that ruthless uncertainty come forth once again at his touch? Am I Beautiful As I Tear You To Pieces table by rae - image by Lunicea |
Professor
born under The Eldritch
8 years old
Male
Small
valerian
Mainlander
Rionna
encounters
Essie
I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you
That day had not been one he'd ever wanted to remember but as he touched her, he recalled it all as if it had happened only seconds ago. He knew that it hadn't but he supposed the trauma, for both of them, was still fresh. "You can talk to me about it, if you want. I'm a lonely man after all... who would I even tell?" he said with a small, sad but mildly amused smile. It was meant as a joke mostly, though he was being truthful in the fact that he'd never tell another soul. That being said, she did not have to say anything at all. |
born under The Rivals
8 years old
Female
Extra Small
Fresh Snow
Lowlander
Rionna
Broken Skulls
Lunar
SIF ASGAUT
She would ignore his offer to speak, not even a smile would line her lips at him trying to make light of the situation, finding it in poor taste. It wasn’t because of him that her lips remained sealed, rather she just didn’t feel any comfort admitting the first thing, so what good would talking about it in further detail do? There was no talking about it, she had avoided doing so since she was nothing more than a child, every ailment shoved under a rug to be kept there for all eternity because if she allowed the truth free, far worse things might happen to her. The idea of worse was laughable, she had been so deep in despair that misery was comfortable for her more than happiness. But to her daughter, she couldn’t risk that and so releasing anything off her tongue that pertained to Yaroslav was hardly on her to do list, only allowing him to haunt her and not those around her.
So when he asked a follow up question to her explanation, she froze a little, words not finding a voice as her ears drew back. At that point she had already proceeded to invade his space, retreat wasn’t much of an option as he swiftly scooped her against him, causing a flighty feeling to weave into her every being. She felt suffocated, wanting him away from her and yet she didn’t budge, rather trying to swallow as her throat tightened, feeling her whole body ache. Away. Away. Pull away. Run. The thought rushed in and yet her body didn’t listen as she was pulled in closer and closer, his chest cushioning her and static rippled along her skin where each bit of her body was pressed to his. She remained there, unmoving and hyperventilating trying to catch a breath she had never lost to begin with. He never hurt you before. You are safe. You are safe. It took a lot of talking to herself inside her head to calm down, thoughts flooding for what felt like hours but were merely a couple seconds as her face slowly sunk into his fur. Her vision blurred by tawny as her breathing slowed and her thoughts started to function again. Tawny. Browns. Creams. Not a void of white. Valerian. He might have been able to feel the movement of her jaw, wanting to send her fangs into him at first from the sudden draw in but had been clenched down tightly without a speck of his flesh between them to keep from hurting him in her episode. She could hear her own pulse in her ears as she closed her eye to breath for a moment, taking in long steady breathes, till the shake with each would lessen and lessen. “He was… my commander… before Kohl Tiamat…” she struggled to form words, burying her face more and more against his fur as her ears drew back. “And… Aura’s f-father,” she said meekly, fighting back tears from burning her lids. It was all she would say. All she could say for it was nothing the public didn’t already know that held any interest in the Helvigs and where their patriarch’s niece came from and it wasn't’ a lie. It also was an answer to his question, indirectly. After seeing that ghost, seeing Yaroslav, looking at Aurora was difficult and being home even more so. She had swung herself into work and ultimately let it consume her too far to return to the girl in time. Am I Beautiful As I Tear You To Pieces table by rae - image by Lunicea |
Professor
born under The Eldritch
8 years old
Male
Small
valerian
Mainlander
Rionna
encounters
Essie
I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you
As he held her, he expected her to pull away and reprimand him in some way but she didn't. He could feel her body tensing, hear her shallow breaths increasing and he wondered if he'd done something wrong. She didn't pull away, she didn't say anything... she simply froze. Khepri's gaze drifted into the forest as he breaths stilled and her body relaxed. She pressed into his chest and he did not move or speak. |
born under The Rivals
8 years old
Female
Extra Small
Fresh Snow
Lowlander
Rionna
Broken Skulls
Lunar
SIF ASGAUT
That arm around her shoulders never shifted, never strayed downward, threatening to pull her in to trap her under him. He kept that same distance. Not pulling away. Not getting any closer than she had created on her own. There was a steady blur of trust and distrust as she fought her demons. Wanting to trust him, wanting to believe every word that had fallen from his lips since day one and to accept every discomfort was all in her head. One moment she wanted his touch, the next she wanted to harm him to regain dominance as if he was just a subordinate stepping out of line. She didn’t want to feel this way, she didn’t want to be in her own skin right now. To disassociate would be easier, allowing her mind to escape from this realm till all her thoughts vanished but he didn't allow it. His voice prompted a question, making her pause as she tried to break past it again to dwell in the same existence as the other.
“He was killed shortly after I became …” infected with a parasite I didn’t want. Those last words didn’t come to pass, never wanting to call her child a parasite now that she had grown to adore her but at the time, that was all she saw. A horrid parasite she wanted to rid of. “...pregnant.” She gulped after the hesitant whisper. That singular word was so difficult to say, a time she didn’t want to think about as she squirmed a little against Khepri’s chest, recalling the sensation of that apparition clawing at her stomach a year ago. His voice echoed in her head, that question that had been posed about what they looked like. She had never told him she had been with child before he died, she knew that much and the fact he knew was why she was wishing to believe that whole time in the forest was a bad dream but Khepri had clearly seen him too. Not going into details beyond that rather broad statement for he did not need to know who; on the timeframe it was easy to just allow him to think it was the war. There was no more speaking of him, she didn't want to, and she wouldn't let him make her because. Soon her secrets would no longer be secrets if he pushed any further. If she pulled away, would he let her go? Did she want him to let her go? Slowly she’d raise her face from the field of tawny, looking up at him before tucking her chin against the curve of his neck till her muzzle slid up against the base of his ear, taking in his scent again. Those notes of valerian not as strong as normal on his pelt, used to it being far more potent. She craved it now more than ever as she leaned the side of her head against his jaw as if using a hand to stroke his cheek. “Is it to forget or to remember her?” she whispered against his ear, wondering the point to his own use of the drug he seemed to use to the extent that it never fully left him. Am I Beautiful As I Tear You To Pieces table by rae - image by Lunicea |
Professor
born under The Eldritch
8 years old
Male
Small
valerian
Mainlander
Rionna
encounters
Essie
I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you
Khepri could not begin to imagine what was running through her mind in the moment. As he stared out into the dark forest, his own mind began running circles around itself. “He was killed shortly after I became...pregnant.” she said, clearly struggling with the word. It seemed like her pregnancy was not a topic of fondness for her either and to Khepri, that was a shame. But he would say no more as that was all she gave him about the man. No more details would pass through her lips and no more questions would slip through his. He knew what it was like to not want to talk about something, or someone. |
born under The Rivals
8 years old
Female
Extra Small
Fresh Snow
Lowlander
Rionna
Broken Skulls
Lunar
SIF ASGAUT
It seemed he had taken the hint she no longer wished to speak of such crippling topics for her, though now she worried what he viewed her reactions, knowing this wasn’t how a grieving in love woman would behave. She rather stay free from the topic, so she would not nudge for an answer in that regard as she sunk further into his embrace that was barely comforting. Maybe the anxiety would go away if she lingered, a therapy session of sorts to get desensitized to the trauma of touch and forced intimacy so this wouldn’t happen again. She couldn’t allow someone else to see her crumble like this, she had to get past it but that was something she had told herself for nearly three years now and she was losing hope on ever being in harmony with things like this.
Just as she shouldn’t be manipulating his want for company when she was avoiding the truth as much as possible but was it really manipulation if he was the one that kept trying to achieve it? The constant invasion of her space in prior encounters, that near begging to help her in one way or another, wasn’t she the one being coerced into accepting it? No no, don’t think like that. There was no manipulation on either side, she wanted to believe that at least but the long gone bruises and remaining scars would tell her otherwise. Her mind tried to pull away from it as she basked in his perfume and listened to the light pick up of his pulse against her ear. The warmth, his breathing; he wasn’t a hallucination yet she couldn’t wonder if he bit her if she’d bleed. She wouldn’t test that theory as his voice broke the recurring silence as he too sunk deeper into their shared warmth. Though she’d say nothing to it, her thoughts were jumbled again, wondering if he meant in general or about his wife specifically. It wasn’t important. Just as she was starting to adapt, accepting this close proximity, he’d withdraw from her which surprised her a little as she nearly fell forward from not anticipating the release. Her eye would peer up at him as his head tilted down, seeking attention she’d awkwardly provide, her vulnerability not easy to recover from. She never knew how to act around him, causing her paws to fidget with the slowly drying grasses before her head would return to the waters they had failed to get away from. The question made her pause, seeing it as a means to escape and yet she didn’t take it so readily. “No. Not yet,” she said quietly, letting out a breath, not able to fathom going back home right now. If she did, she’d stop at a tavern and drink away this sensation till she was numb to everything around her and so the memories would deafen. That wasn’t a bad choice she wanted to make right now, it could turn disastrous with her current state of mind, yet she wanted too so badly. She didn’t have work till the following night after having asked for an extra day off to make this meeting she promised. There was nowhere she needed to be. “Had too much of me for one day? I won’t stop you if you need to go,” she mused faintly, wondering if all the weighted topics made him wish to leave or if he actually cared about making it to his classes in the morning. Am I Beautiful As I Tear You To Pieces table by rae - image by Lunicea |
Professor
born under The Eldritch
8 years old
Male
Small
valerian
Mainlander
Rionna
encounters
Essie
I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you
"No. Not Yet." Khepri was surprised she did not need (or perhaps want?) to go yet. It was getting late and initially this meeting had not gone well at the start. They seemed to so easily fall into this strange place once they let their guards down and Khepri couldn't help but wonder what it meant, if anything at all. "Had too much of me for one day? I won’t stop you if you need to go,” she said. Khepri chuckled and shook his head. "No, I don't have anywhere else to be right now." he admitted. He was no important man with others lined up to see him. The few friends he had were often busy, which was fine, but other than his classes he had no obligations and tomorrow he wasn't teaching anyway. His day was wide open and therefore, so was his night. |
born under The Rivals
8 years old
Female
Extra Small
Fresh Snow
Lowlander
Rionna
Broken Skulls
Lunar
SIF ASGAUT
Her ear turned to him before her head would as he reflected her offer for escape, making her pause for a long few seconds in mild confusion. Why had he asked then if he didn’t have anywhere to be himself? Brow would furrow a little as she looked away from him, trying to piece together a puzzle that wasn’t likely there. Chances are it was simple and just as straightforward as it sounded but she couldn’t help questioning an alternative motive, so used to nothing being this easy.
Her head would sharply turn back to face him as she heard movement, watching him as he stretched out like an old man that had just gotten up from a nap rather than whatever they were doing. A huff expelled from her nose at the sound of two little cracks before shaking her head as he got even more into it, choosing not to watch him shake his fur around in such an unattractive way. A giant puppy indeed. When he was done, she could feel his eyes on her, making her glance at him before rolling her eyes at the odd expression he was giving her and looking away before looking at him again as he reclined on the ground and patted it like she was supposed to be some obedient lap dog. There was no eagerness to move to be near him, not sure fully what the invite meant. The question, on the other hand, would catch her attention far more than his gesture. I didn’t have a choice, the words that almost came out of her mouth, bitter in some ways but not to its entirety. She was thankful but as she grounded herself, she realized she had an answer, one far older than the first one that popped into her head. Slowly she’d get up, hesitantly moving toward him. “My mother was a Colonel,” she started, taking a seat next to him though not laying down as he had, to keep some distance between them. “She was a very sturdy, unyielding tiny woman that could make your bones crumble just with her voice. I can’t say I knew her well; she was always working with little time for my siblings, faðir and I before they died but I looked up to her. As did most of my kin, even though most were soldiers themselves,” she smiled with adoration and amusement. Taking in the graveyard next to them, that bit of happiness thinking of them quickly turned into sorrow. “I guess I wanted to be like her, so I took the chance when it came to me in hopes she'd be proud of me,” she swallowed, face absent of emotions. Am I Beautiful As I Tear You To Pieces table by rae - image by Lunicea |
