[ P ] i can't do it alone

She was reeling.

Breaths came as sharp gasps bordering on a panic attack as she stumbled down the cobblestone paths of a town she did not know. Wide, frightened eyes looked up and around, unable to process the buildings that seemed to stretch far up into the sky as she desperately tried to find her friend. While she had no sense of direction even remotely of where he could possibly be, a repressed memory ran on repeat within her mind - something about her father mentioning the Tiamat Manse. She desperately hoped that's where he would be as she struggled to breathe while her mind suffocated on all the new information she had been given these last few weeks.

With tears lining her pretty green eyes, the oceanic wolf took another turn, trying to force herself on breathing properly as her head began to swim with the threat of passing out. After running into Obsidian - her uncle - at the parade, and after he had divulged a whole lot of stuff she had no idea about, she needed to escape. And so she had ran off, not caring to let her mother know, as she didn't even know how to process that part of it all either. A horrific mixture of disgust, shame, embarrassment and revulsion swirled in the pit of her stomach, and the contents roiled with more threats of upchucking everything within it should she move the wrong way or think too much.

A yelp escaped her muzzle as she tripped over the steps of a massive house. Her tears now spilled down her dark cheeks as she just managed to catch herself, and they came even harder as a familiar scent finally touched her nose. Whipping her head up and at the massive wooden door, she nearly stumbled over her own legs as she dashed towards it, frantically knocking.

"Haskell!" she cried, her voice cracking as her fists banged against the door. "Hask, it's me, Dahlia-- are you there?" fear seeped into her words as she sank against the wooden frame, curling into herself as she allowed such big emotions to escape from her mind.

manip + code: clae

He had been quiet for the most part, doing as he had been told and stayed home from all the celebrations that were going on, despite having wanted to go really, really bad. Where so many had come to resent the Highland born ilk and those that bowed before Jacob, he had remained for the most part believing a unity would be better like this parade was allowing. He had never truly known what free roaming the nations had been like being born during the heart of a war but when he had seen his friend in what he knew as the Fae Forest, had wanted to explore it all. Every nook there was curious if there were more magical lands as that one. Of course, the borders had made that impossible for him, unable to run across freely. Most of all, he missed Dahlia and wished there was nothing stopping them from seeing one another. She was born here, the child of a noble, there shouldn’t be any divider for her just because of who her mother was. Whomever that was.

It seemed he didn’t really know much about his friend’s personal life beyond the bare minimum. Does that mean he was a horrible friend?

He sure felt like it as he lounged there in silence, allowing his mind to travel to other things like the fact he had another sister now! Well, he always had her but never here with him. Where he failed as a friend, he could make up for being the best brother. Maybe he should give her a grand welcome, find a way to make up for all the time they missed in a way that wasn’t a frantic hug. But what could he do? He didn’t know anything about Lia besides that she was a soldier like much of the rest of the family was and they had the same dad. Maybe he should ask his father who Lia’s mother was if it wasn’t his own. The whole half sibling thing confused him lots, not even fully sure he understood how babies worked.

Where did babies come from? Well obviously, from a mom but how did they get there that allowed it to also be part of the father? His thoughts quickly went into a loop of failed logic that was just getting worse with each passing thought. Maybe it would be better to ask his mom that one instead of getting more lost.

Just as he was about to get up to go and ask her, he heard his name being yelled from outside, making him flinch in surprise. But the second chime of his name would make his head perk, ears twitching at the little nickname, but it was the voice that made his heart rupture into his throat as he croaked out meekly: “Dahlia.”

Abruptly he would shoot down the hall and weasel his way to the front door, cutting off a maid that had been on her way to get the door but was now a little huffy at nearly being knocked over. “Dolly!?” he called as he flung the door wide open with a little effort from having such short legs. Tears of his own started to flood down his grey cheeks. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he instantly yipped, having heard the strain in her cries for him and seeing her all folded into herself only heightened his worry. “Are you hurt? I can go get papa to look at you,” he offered, nuzzling his muzzle into her neck.

Art by MatchaSea | Coding by Plymouth

Like a dam bursting after too much built up pressure, a flood of emotions overwhelmed Dahlia the second that Haskell walked through the door. With a sick mixture of relief and anguish at the forefront, she leapt up at the sound of his voice, as if she were electrocuted. Collapsing into him, her arms wrapped around his smaller frame - though she was careful not to crush him too much - as great big sobs shook her shoulders and tears wet her cheeks and mingled with his as she pressed the side of her face to his. She clutched onto him as if her life depended on it, glad he was real again but sad about the reasons on why she had come in the first place.

"Are you hurt? I can go get papa to look at you," he was so caring; so sweet. How a daughter of such an awful man deserved a friend like him, Dahlia would never know. Acidic thoughts threatened to plague her mind but she desperately pushed them away, shaking her head in response to his questions as she tried to get a handle on her crying. Hiccups started as she focused on breathing slower, small sniffles soon replacing the bigger cries before she finally drew back a little bit to look at him and catch his fiery eyes with her sea coloured jewels.

"I-- I--" she couldn't even speak the words, they were so heinous and wrong. What if he didn't want to be her friend anymore after learning what kind of father she had? What if he decided she could turn out like that too? The aspect of losing him was too much, queuing another hefty sob as her face melted in despair. Even though it was a futile effort, she tried again to focus, raising a paw to wipe away his little tears.

"I've-- I've had a really bad day," she finally blurted out, her voice wet with the threat of more waves of sadness. Blubbery and devastated over what her reality was now, she simply tucked herself into him as best as she could considering their size differences, really needing him to be the big caretaker this time... at least for now. Her eyes sparkled like emeralds as she hesitantly looked at him again, swallowing loudly before she whispered, "Would you still... still be my friend if I wasn't... if I wasn't as good as I thought I was?" it was cryptic, she knew, but to say the words and risk it all right now was something she just couldn't do. Her sight never left his face, watching for any minute details should he decide to lie to her.

manip + code: clae

Confusion overwhelmed every thought in his head as she suddenly went from being a pancake to an octopus as her limbs encased him so easily and admittedly, a little too tight. He wouldn’t complain though, letting her do with him as she pleased, being her perfect little teddy bear as she cried her heart out onto him without really any explanation as to why. His first thought was someone died, perhaps her sister of all wolves, the only one he thought was a constant in the girl’s life where she was tossed between lands. His ears tipped back at the idea, hoping he was wrong even if he didn’t know Hyacinth all that well compared to knowing Dahlia, one of his favorite wolves in the world.

The feeling of her tears bleeding into his own would cause him to turn his head ever so slightly, trying to lick a few of them away. Maybe him crying too wasn’t helping anything but he couldn’t help it when he saw someone else crying. It was pure kryptonite for the young man, no matter who was doing it. When she would start to withdraw from him, he nearly reached out to stop her but instead kept his paw raised in the air as if debating doing that as he looked at her, leaning in bit by bit. He was almost falling over as his tail twitched in anxiety and concern for her.

Left ear flicked with her stutter, finding her not getting any actual words out. It seemed so strange to witness her like this, so used to her being the rowdy one of the two of them. As he sat there with his paw outstretched, he nearly jumped when she would calm down enough to focus on him and put her big paw on his face. He was certain she had gotten even bigger than last time, not remembering her paws being that big but he only giggled at the bit of dirt stuck to his cheek where tears had been.

“I see that, you look like how I felt when auntie died. Let’s-” he broke off as she cuddled up to him again, letting out a sigh and resting his head against the top of her head. Her next question really confused him as he looked down at her with an angry furrowed brow, not liking that inquiry one bit. “Unless you are the cause of my relatives dying, which I doubt you are, that question seems kinda stupid-” he started, pushing the agitation to the side and focused on the core of the question instead of the absurdity she was bad. “But yes Dolly. I’d love you even if you turned into one of my cousin's little worm bug friends.” His voice soft, giving the top of her head a little lick of comfort.

“Come on, the street isn’t the place for this. Let’s go to my room or fam library where you have more privacy…unless there’s somewhere else you'd rather go?” he offered, standing up and backing up toward the door to open it for her, tilting his head in wait to see what she might decide.

Art by MatchaSea | Coding by Plymouth

In between the words and occupying her mind through their silences, Dahlia wondered what it was like to be in a healthy, proper marriage. Not one like what her parents had. While Anteros was a fine step dad, Dahlia had conjured up this little dream of finding a husband and marrying out of true love, and then spending their lives together. There was so much she didn't know about her moms life before she was born, so she was unsure just what she did before her dad walked into her life... would it have been better if he didn't? She figured probably, but then she and her sister wouldn't be here. Her thought patterns were haphazard at best, jumping from thought to thought without any clear pathway between each one.

All she knew in her juvenile brain that if she were to ever find a good husband, she hoped it was Haskell he would be like Haskell.

He was so calm compared to her, the epitome of a raging ocean storm. He held her, consoled her, calmed her down with his gentle voice. She grasped for his security and stability, and wasn't disappointed in any sense of the word. He was her rock; a tiny pebble compared to the ocean, but one that kept her anchored regardless. And for that, for his friendship, she would be eternally grateful for him.

His touch grounded her back down to his doorstep, and slowly she regained control over her breaths.

"Unless you are the cause of my relatives dying, which I doubt you are, that question seems kinda stupid-” Dahlia could feel the agitation seep into his muscles as they drew firm to the touch. Her blue ears pressed back against her crown, worried she had upset him. “But yes Dolly. I’d love you even if you turned into one of my cousin's little worm bug friends.” Love. Her green eyes grew wide as she rested her head against him, thoughts spiraling for a second back to her parents. Had her father loved her mom?

“Come on, the street isn’t the place for this. Let’s go to my room or fam library where you have more privacy…unless there’s somewhere else you'd rather go?” his voice drew her back, and she simply nodded. "Maybe your room, if that's okay," Climbing to unsteady paws, she followed after him as he led her through the doorway; her eyes cast upwards towards the ceiling, then flickered around. This house was huge, much larger than Appa Anteros's and she suddenly felt very small in comparison. Like a little puppy, she remained close to Haskells side, her head low to be level with his as he led her to his room.

Walking through the door, the highlander girl was overwhelmed with just feeling... out of place, like she didn't belong here or at home or anywhere anymore. Everything was so new; there was change around literally every corner and it was getting difficult to not bend under the pressure of it all. Standing as stiff as a rail, she turned to look at Haskell, not daring to move or touch anything because of an irrational fear that she'd break it or mess something up. And she knew he had questions to her question, as well.

"My dad was a bad guy, and... and I think that makes me bad, too, doesn't it Bug?" would he agree? Or would he have further wisdom that she was secretly hoping for? She hoped for the latter, though she still couldn't blame him if he decided she wasn't worth the friendship because of her self-proclaimed tainted heritage.

manip + code: clae

He would take notice that she seemed a little worried in a different way as her ears feathered back along the crown of her head, though not quite in a way that could be seen as shy. Maybe he had been a little harsh with his comment but that was why he had chosen to redirect what he was saying instead of sticking entirely to criticizing her over something he didn’t even fully understand what she meant. Upsetting her further wasn’t his intent but he hoped he had cooled it down just as swiftly. With her gaze out of his sight, he wouldn’t be able to tell how she was feeling in that moment, having expected her to smother him like she normally did. A wet oversized tongue never intruded into his space, however, making him all the more nervous he just made everything worse.

Digging his nails into the dirt nervously, he tried to work around what was going on without forcing her to talk. Navigating things without knowing what was happening wasn’t his strong suit. He was much better at just being a goofball for others to get a smile watching when he wasn’t practicing his work. He wondered if she’d fear the fire he created, having always seen her more as an ocean of flowers. She could burn up so easily with one touch of a flame. He wasn’t certain why his brain would drift to such things while he tried to get her to come in. Maybe it was the torches that lined the halls of his home or the lessons he listened to daily that played on such things.

Focusing back on her, he grinned as she made a decision that wouldn’t result in her running off or worse. “Then this way miLady Dahlia,” he tried to be the perfect gentleman with a dip of his head as he held the door for her. After all, it was the first time he ever had a friend over and he wanted to cherish it, bad situation for why or not. Once she had gotten into the building, he would shut the door behind her, shooing a few maids and asking one of them to get Dahlia something quietly before his attention would focus back on his friend. He was thankful she was looking everywhere but him, glad she would miss the way his nub of a tail wiggled eagerly. It would be embarrassing and rather inappropriate to be doing while someone was just crying on him.

Prancing down the hall, he passed where his bedroom he used to share with his parents but now with his younger siblings passed, then the room he and Sheik co owned, then finally he got to his room a bit further down. He could have told her who each room belonged to, knowing each one by heart. Nearly all of them were his cousins in one way or another. He would allow her into the room that belonged to him, keeping the wish to give her a tour in his proverbial pants. Carefully, he would lock the door behind him, not wanting anyone to intrude on them when whatever was going on didn’t need interruptions.

Walking past her, he would light a couple incense to try and make a calmer air around them, finding it easier than he used to when it came to striking flint to ignite a flame. His attention would shift to her, carefully taking a seat in front of her massive form, having to lift his head to look up at her face. “Leoric wasn’t bad, he was my parent’s best friend! He did so much for the nation, he even saved mama before I was born when a rogue soldier tried to kill her. He’s a great guy, I think! Died a hero too, just like Auntie Nassar,” he chirped with a hint of sorrow toward the end, thinking about what his parents had told him and what he remembered of the rather intimidating looking man. “But even if he was somehow an evil dude, how would that make you evil, Dolly? You aren’t him and what he might have done doesn’t equal what you become unless you let it. Mama is a killer executing bad guys for a living but that doesn’t make me a killer. Just like I’m not smart just because papa is a professor. We are our own wolves, aren't we?” he tilted his head, confused.

Art by MatchaSea | Coding by Plymouth