[ P ] Best Friends

Badari Tiamat
Don't even mean what you say while you're standing there begging me for more.

And I got nothing to gain, it's on me.
And I got no one to blame, its on me.
Time is a funny thing that either takes everything from you or gives you the world. There is no rhyme or reason to life, no method, no rules. And she hates that fact. It carries on with or without you, ceaselessly, endlessly. And it should've gone on without her a long time ago. Instead, she's still here wondering just what her life has become. Badari is a creature of habit, of rules and reason, tormented by a prolonged existence in a world of chaos. She's thinking to herself about many things as she watches her young son sleep in the crook of her belly. They share a room for now, but she can't help but to think she can't wait to be rid of him.

Guilt washes over her and she frowns, the muscles in her lips pulling ever downward. What has she to smile about these days? Arran is more tentative, more present but she can only guess as to where he was all those lonely nights before their son had been born. She has a few ideas, none of them palatable. She only wishes that her first had not been lost and then maybe they would not have been lost too. He blames her, she knows this, and every night that weight of guilt crushes her to sleep while she lays beside him.

Is this the life she's meant to live? Is she meant to suffer forever or will it... end. She knows her life could have gone much worse before, when she had been kidnapped, but she'd escaped that. She'd overcome that in many ways. Still, the hurt and fear lingered in the recesses of her mind at times, dredging up at the most inopportune moments. It was like he blamed her for that too. Anything that was too inconvenient was an annoyance to him; maybe one of the biggest choices being her choice to leave the Army behind and stay at home with Alaric. That had been one of many ways she'd given up. She's losing herself to a place she doesn't know she'll ever come back from. It happens day by day, bit by bit... but eventually, it'll end.

"Badari Tiamat speaking."

code & art by claerie