[ P ] the only way forwards, is backwards

Weeks passed since she escaped Enzo's home and she was surprised he hadn't gone out looking for her. It was either that, or she had done a good job of tucking herself away after Reuben's death. As the hours turned to days and days to weeks Rayne realized that without him, there was no one left. Her family was written off for quite some time now, so long that they never noticed her disappearance to begin with. Reuben was the comfort she sought in those times and without him she felt the cold reality settle in. Her dreams haunted her, his face still a lingering memory in her mind and the feeling of his love tucked away deep into her heart. Her body felt numb and iced over and in those weeks she'd lost a significant amount of weight, her mind seemed to be in shambles which led her right up to the front door of Enzo's estate.

Her icy blue gaze landed on the door and settled there for a long while. Where she would usually feel the anxiety of wondering what would come out of him seeing her again, there was nothing. She did not fear his rejection or what he would think, she didn't even fear the possibility of consequences. If he looked her over once and sent her away then perhaps that would be a blessing in itself. Slowly her eyes closed as she inhaled a long breath while a single paw lifted and knocked softly against the door.

If he didn't hear it then she would take it as a sign she wasn't meant to do this.

She waited a long while, but didn't hear anything on the opposite side of the door, not even a maid shuffling down the hall to answer her call. Slowly Rayne's lips tugged into a frown, as if she was almost disappointed that he didn't answer. Fate had a cruel way of rearing it's ugly head, but she figured maybe this was the answer she needed. As she turned and took a couple steps away from the estate the sound of the heavy creaking door caused her to stop in her tracks. She looked back over her shoulder to see Enzo in the doorway, only silence separating them. Her gaze locked into those mismatched hues which caused her heart to flutter shyly in her chest, a feeling he'd given her ever before she planned her escape.

If she didn't know any better it would seem he also suffered from a couple sleepless nights, though his reasonings were not what she would assume. Rayne said nothing as she turned to face him, her furrowed brow, empty stare, and malnourished figure being all he would need to know of her experiences away from him.

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The knock is so soft and distant, that he almost doesn't hear it over the gentle crackling of a fire. Triangular ears do perk at the sound though. He anticipates the sound of the quickly shuffling of paws - a maid going to answer the door - but no such sound comes. Rising to his paws, he makes the trek down the hall to the heavy wood door. He doesn't answer it right away, his ears strain to make out any sound from the other side. But theres nothing.

Pulling open the door, a gush of cool autumn air slaps him in the face. Its not just the crisp smell of fall that assaults his senses. Rayne. She's walking away, her lithe body far too thin to be healthy. As she looks over her shoulder at him, her baby blues are as void and grief stricken as the last time he laid eyes on her.

Rayne had been gone for over a month now. It would have been two months in just a couple of weeks. She hasn't been missing for that long though. Enzo had tracked her down within weeks of her departure, but what he had found, kept him at bay. Enzo didn't know the man she's grieving over and considering the wolf is dead, he saw no need to. The dead wolf is already in the ground, rotting away, he's of no threat. It quickly became clear that she had has feelings for the man, feelings that were profound enough to break her heart when she came across his grave.

Knowing that another had held her affections since a white hot jealousy through his veins. One that had him considering pissing on the mans grave. He didn't. Just like he didn't appear at her side so that he could drag her back to her gilded cage. But Enzo knew loss. He knew its powerful grip and its merciless claws. Adding more turmoil to her life would only result in her pushing him away.

So he stayed away.

Or rather he had stayed out of her sight. Like a ghost, he kept careful tabs on her.

While he had hoped that she would find her way back here, he hadn't been holding his breath. His surprise doesn't creep across his face as he regards her with an even expression. The silence stretches on. "Come." His voice is low as he pushes the door open wider in invitation. He doesn't expect her to resist, not with the vacancy in her eyes and the malnourishment of her body.

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The silence stretched on for a long while as he observed her. She could tell he was studying her face, and more so, the way her ribs were slightly exposed beyond her earthen coat. In truth, she wasn’t trying to starve herself, but simply had no appetite, often staying up later than usual throughout the night. In silence, she found herself most uncomfortable because that was what she was growing accustomed to. Unable to speak to Reuben, and with no desire to seek out her family, Enzo had become the one thing she still had that was comfortable and familiar.

‘Come.’

Finally, the deep baritone of his voice broke the stillness that had hung in the air, causing her heart to sink into her belly. She’d almost forgotten what his voice sounded like during their time apart, and even now, it held such a strange significance. Rayne didn’t know that he’d been following her, step by step, witnessing the life she’d once lived before he’d even known of her existence. She was also unaware that he’d seen her speaking with Reuben—or his ghost, at least. To this day, she was still in disbelief that it had even been real. Rayne had never had the chance to consider what Enzo would have thought or what he might have done differently, had he known about Reuben from the start.

Slowly, she dragged her paws along the cobblestone floor. The walk felt longer than it actually was before she finally reached his side. There, she took a moment to tilt her chin up at him, taking in those mismatched hues that seemed slightly different than usual. She swallowed back the heat rising in her throat, the tears threatening to fall once more. Enzo had seen her cry more than once, but this time, it was for a very different reason. She longed for a touch she would never receive again, and because of this, she found herself drawing closer to him. If he allowed it, she would curl her smaller form into his chest before the door closed, burying her face in the thick fur there. In the quiet, she would sob silently, the quiver of her body the only indication she was doing so.

Rayne didn’t expect him to hold her, nor did she expect any comforting words. But simply being close to him gave her more than enough. It was a strange feeling, being embraced by him, one she never would have imagined—mostly due to the circumstances under which she'd met Enzo in the first place. She inhaled deeply, his musk filling her lungs, and her eyes closed in quiet acceptance, knowing this was the life she should grow to accept and become accustomed.

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She doesn't fight him. She doesn't balk at his command. Slow steps bring her closer, her dainty paws scrapping against the earth as she closes the distance. When she falls against his chest, he doesn't push her away and reject her. A foreleg wraps around her as she buries her face in the thick fur at his neck. He swings the door shut behind her and its click shut is resounding.

Her body shakes with her silent cries and her tears would soon wet his fur. Enzo holds her all the same. With a deep breath, he drags in a lungful of her perfume, a scent that has been steadily fading from his sheets, a scent that he's missed. He stays there, until her cries slow, before he guides her down a familiar hall to a room she knows well. Leading her through the threshold, he doesn't stop until she resting on his bed. Pulling back, he takes a long look at her. Her face is streaked with tears, something he's seen before, but the vacancy in her eyes is the new. The profound loss that threatens to swallow her whole is something he knows well and he doesn't care for it on her face. But more than that, she is skinny.

Its obvious that she hasn't eaten a proper meal in wells. Her coat hangs loosely off her frame, like ill fitting clothes. and her bones protrude more than they should. A frown tugs at his lips. "I'll be back, you need to eat." Any of her protests are ignored as he disappears to the kitchen before returning with a small rabbit. He doesn't intend to force feed her a whole meal, he knew she'd need to start slow after not eating for so long, but she would be eating something. And he dropped it in front of her with a look that said just that.

Haunches folded under him as he sat beside her, leaning against the frame of his bed. A million questions cling to the tip of his tongue, but Enzo says nothing. He keeps a tight grip on his emotions, his expressions. There was nothing on his face for her to speculate about. He wasn't the one that owed any sort of explanation, that was all her.

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It was the closest she'd been to Enzo without him expecting anything from her. Not an order to fulfill, not a demand to be made. Instead, he just held her, and it was enough for her to release all the pent-up sadness that had been brewing inside. When she finally regained some control over her emotions, his fur was already soaked from her tears, but he said nothing. He simply led her down the long hall to the familiar four walls of his room.

Some time ago, she had felt differently about being there and about the way the silk sheets felt beneath her. But now, there was no longer any lingering hatred for them. The familiarity of it all brought her a sense of peace, though she wouldn't speak on it. Instead, she curled herself into the bed and looked at him before he left to get her food. The thought of eating made her nauseous, but Enzo would not allow her to starve now that saw her current state.

Rayne wasn't making a habit of avoiding food on purpose. Since Reuben’s death, she had lost her appetite. The days slipped by quickly, and the weeks passed with them, and before she knew it, she had lost all the weight.

When Enzo brought the food to the bed, her icy hues rested on the meal. He hadn’t overwhelmed her with a large plate, but even so, the smell was enough to make bile rise in her throat. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get past this, or even how to begin.

Enzo moved away from her and leaned against the bed, silent. She swallowed the spit that had gathered in her mouth, the knot growing in her throat because she knew—without saying—that he wanted to know where she had gone. Rayne had been around him long enough to understand that his silence often had other meanings. While he was very good at keeping his expression blank and his tongue still, when it came to her, he was a curious creature.

"I knew he was going to be put to death," Rayne said, her voice hoarse and strained from weeks of crying. Her gaze dropped back down to the untouched rabbit at her feet. "I needed to get away, to try and stop it... I—"

The words caught in her throat, but she continued, unable to leave it unfinished. "I didn’t think you would let me go if I told you, so I left." But he had taken her back, despite not knowing where she had gone. He could have slammed the door in her face, but instead, he had embraced her, even when he hadn’t understood the true meaning of her tears.

"His name was Reuben," she added, though she didn’t want to say any more. She didn’t want to be reminded of everything that had led to his death. The image still haunted her, vivid and fresh.

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