Oh

It was difficult to focus. Or, rather, it was difficult to do anything but focus on the ground, the grass that pressed against her paws, the long fronds that tickled her cheeks, or the errant breeze as it brushed by. Her world had shrunk until it existed within one material bubble exactly 3 feet in front of her. She was only vapidly aware of the numbness in her toes and the chill that caused her shoulders to shrug up and her neck to tense. Her mouth was dry and her eyes strained. Dull was the throbbing pain that pounded within her temples, each pulse like the beat of a mallet against her skull.

All of the emotion she had cried out had been left at the Maiden's Braid... along with her dignity and decorum. What was left was a shell of a woman that was too shell-shocked to even feel embarrassed. The next morning, it would all settle in like pinpricks across her skin but, in the meantime, she trundled along like a machine with one purpose: go home.

"Oh," Kylar gasped softly, barely able to muster surprise as she was suddenly hurriedly greeted by a maiden swathed in black and white, her face showing impressive relief and concern despite the fact that her eyes were eternally closed.

... "Hi," she mumbled weakly.

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Her paws had beat an anxious tune against the hollow flooring of their little cottage. Then she had paced. Click. Clack. Clack. Click. Click. back and forth until her feet ached. No Kylar. No sound of one step, one lighter odd step and two more even steps to announce her presence. Nephele had hummed and tried to distract herself by cleaning up their home and tidying up their herbs. Each noise caused her ears to perk up and her head to snap up like an excited dog waiting for their master to return. A soft whine escaped her lips when the noise was nothing but a fluke. Still no Kylar.

What if- No. The anxious flutter of a thought had uncoiled in her mind reaching with its horrible tendrils. What if something- Don’t She struggled to brindle her thoughts, anxiety storming through her system sending alarm bells ringing. She marched out of the cottage’s boundary and towards the edge of their garden, body moving with purpose until her paw hovered over the boundary between outside and home. Come on. You have to do this. She mustered up the courage and crossed the invisible boundary into the unknown.

Step, light step, step, step. She knew those paw steps anywhere. Nephele clumsily hurried towards them, foreign objects causing her to stumble awkwardly. Her nose bumped into a soft chest and she sucked in a breath. Wrinkled features growing soft with relief even as her bottom lip trembled with worry. "Ky," she breathed out, anxiety deflating like the air let out of a balloon. Her nose poked and prodded at her wife, nostrils twitching and smelling at her until she was satisfied that she was unhurt.

"There you are," she sighed in relief, a weak smile touching her lips.

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Oh. Kylar looked down numbly, a flicker of recognition igniting in red eyes as she looked down on Nephele. Her wife's black nose nestled in tan fur and each nervous breath was warm and wet. Tickles. The thought as monosyllabic as all of the others had been that evening. It was as if she had short circuited and the wires had crossed, leaving her unable to process more than a single word at a time. And, although she was relieved to see her mate, a part of her failed to fully register it.

I saw Anteros.

It all still felt so unreal.

"There you are," Nephele breathed, leaning back just enough for Kylar to see a sweet smile on those dark lips.

...

"Yeah..." she murmured, her voice foggy as though she had just stumbled out of a dream. In truth, a part of her was still in it. Kylar felt heavy as though the grogginess of sleep had never left. Every limb was a stone she could hardly lift. Now that her beeline home had been intercepted, she wasn't sure she could even make it back to the den.

"..." Kylar opened her mouth to speak then stopped. Her ears flicked back. Every time she tried to form the words, to tell Nephele about her afternoon, she failed. The first thing she noticed was that she had dropped her precious plants... where? How far back? She looked absently over her shoulder but failed to see much in the evening gloom.

...

"I..." She glanced back, her heart sinking from her chest to her stomach. "...I saw Anteros." And at last it fell like a rock from her mouth.

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The smile fluttered, lips twitching with unease and uncertainty. Kylar was acting odd. She knew something was off without needing to see her face or mannerisms. Nephele heard it in her voice. In the soft Yeah. She gave in response to her fussing. Her mind buzzed with questions that she wanted to ask, anything to soothe the worry that bubbled in her belly. A small part of her worried that she had done something to upset Kylar, made her want to stay away and act so reserved. It was the voice again, the critical one that she tried so hard to silence, but it always came back when she was afraid.

The truth was finally formed in three words painting a picture that was very concerning. Anteros. Kylar had seen Anteros. “H-Here?” Nephele stammered, feeling her heart begin to race. She pressed closer to Kylar, nose gently touching her cheek. Getting worked up wasn’t going to help Kylar calm down. She needed to provide comfort, sooth the emotional storm that had frazzled Ky through to her core.

"Ky?” Nephele spoke her name, wanting to pull her out of her shocked state. “You’re okay...It’s over,” she breathed against her ear, tongue lapping tenderly over her ear.

If this didn’t help bring her out of her stupor, Nephele planned to raid their herb stash and make a mixture to settle her nerves. Her first priority was to care for her wife. Anteros was a problem that could be solved later.

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H-here? Nephele questioned, and Kylar nodded numbly. Then, flinching, she realized that her wife could not see such a gesture. "Y-yes," came the raspy response. It felt as though her vocal chords had rusted from being exposed to the elements for far too long. Instead, she had merely strangled them, drowning them in a sea of emotions too difficult to describe.

"Ky... You’re okay...It’s over,” the monochrome maiden murmured, swiping her tongue over Kylar's ear. The gentle, rhythmic motion defrosted some of the ice that seemed to encapsulate the tawny wolf. Little by little, her thoughts began to unravel. The nest of coiled strings and trails of thoughts began to straighten and coherency glimmered in the distance.

Leaning into the touch, Kylar felt the first release of pressure, like the pop of a back that had strained. She squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of discomfort washed over her, fresh from the memories that her emotions could finally begin to process.

"He... apologized?" She said at last, brow furrowing as if unable to fully comprehend what she had just said. What he had said. "He said he was sorry. For everything."

But did that make it okay? Kylar nosed her way into the black and white fur, seeking comfort there... and answers too. Nephele was the more grounded of the two, she had to settle the perturbed waters and steer the ship.

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Comfort was all she had to offer, giving gentle caresses and soft touches to soothe Kylar's distress. Her gentle heart would consider forgiving most wrongs done to herself, but those who harmed her wife were a different matter. It stirred in her a fierce protectiveness that yearned to run off all aggressors who offended Kylar. She was not violent. She would never harm another intentionally. If she did come across Anteros she would have some strong words for him, perhaps some unpleasant truths that he rightfully deserved for breaking such a precious heart.

His apologies had caused Kylar significant distress and it was obvious to Nephele that she wasn’t ready to accept it and maybe never would be. Part of her selfishly wanted Kylar and Anteros to never cross paths again. It was a confusing emotion and one that wasn’t entirely out of concern for the hurt that Kylar suffered in his presence. She decided to ignore the uncomfortable heaviness that settled in her chest, causing it to tighten.

What mattered was what was best for Kylar and helping her through her turmoil. “Could….” she began, taking in a deep breath. “Could you forgive him?” the question lingered in the air between them, heavy like a fog had descended.

“Not because he deserves it… You don’t owe him anything,” she tried to make sense of what she was trying to convey to Kylar. “But you should be able to live without it hanging over you. You deserve to be happy, Ky,” Nephele explained, warm tears forming in the corners of her hollowed sockets. That was all she wanted for her.

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"Could you forgive him?"

Kylar squirmed slightly. Dark lashes cast long shadows over her cheeks as her gaze drifted down, lids half-closed as she thought. Her lips twisted slightly, her heart ached. A dull pounding had started at the sides of her temples and she longed to just close her eyes and fall asleep. And yet, every time she wanted to, every unsaid word clawed at her throat and begged to be spoken aloud.

Am I burden to her? The thought arose within her heart and nestled into her mind before looping without end. Was Nephele tired of picking up the broken pieces? Did she just want Kylar to move on so that it would be less messy, so that there would be no crumpled pile of tan fur to clean up and sort out? It stung to think of herself in this way. Her throat closed up slightly and she felt the urge to cry all over again.

“Not because he deserves it… You don’t owe him anything,” Nephele offered quickly and Kylar glanced up to see her wife's face. Had she misunderstood Nephele's intentions?

Although Nephele had no green eyes to stare back, Kylar had learned to read the planes of her mate's face, to tell stress from exhaustion and nervous politeness from genuine joy. There was no wariness, no lingering frustration in this canvas of black and white. Instead...

“But you should be able to live without it hanging over you. You deserve to be happy, Ky,” ...and Nephele's tears began to flow.

Oddly enough, Nephele starting to cry made Kylar start to cry too, albeit with more happiness this time. Snorting softly at this ridiculous moment, she wiped a paw across her cheek before nosing away some of the tears that had slid down Neph's nose. "I... I will try," Kylar murmured. "So that I can focus on us and our kids."

Because she had built a life, a beautiful life, with this stunning and compassionate woman.

This woman who would never tell her to "just get over it" because it was inconvenient.

A woman who was hers, wholly and completely. And Kylar was Nephele's just as fully.

fade to exit

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A lingering fear weighed in her belly like a heavy stone. What if she had said the wrong thing and unintentionally caused Kylar to feel betrayed again? It was these thoughts that caused her to bite at her dark bottom lip while she waited for Kylar to take in her words. Nephele wasn’t a word smith and if she had made a horrible mess of this she would never forgive herself. Her ears pricked when she heard a snort form from Kylar. She registered it as one of amusement and let out a breathy laugh when the soft touch of a nose wiped away her tears.

"I... I will try," she finally spoke and Nephele could tell that she was slightly congested by tears and realised that was why she was amused. They had a habit of making each other cry. It was so ridiculous and it was one of their things and she loved it. She hoped they would cry more happy tears in the years to come. ”"So that I can focus on us and our kids." she added and Nephele could feel herself bursting with love. She didn’t know anyone who was as amazing and caring as Ky.

“It’s okay if you can’t. We can work something out,” she suggested, lips curving to show that she truly meant it. If it meant ignoring the man’s existence and never saying his name again (Anteros who?) she was perfectly content to do whatever was best for Ky.

Fade to exit

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