[ P ] Silver Lining

C

ian was in quiet bliss, orange-red eyes fixed upon the new litter as he gazed down at his newborn pups. Clover had gone for a walk to get fresh air. Little Journey was fast asleep, curled up comfortably at Cian’s side, where she would be cozy and warm. Summit was still awake, but since he was still very little, his movement was limited to clumsy steps that never took him further than Cian could reach with an outstretched paw.

Summit was a determined pup, however, and he kept trying. He slipped on unsteady paws, but thankfully, was too close to the ground to be hurt. Cian watched with a proud smile. His boy was not one to give up, it seemed, even from the start. Then, Summit began to whine softly. Cian’s head lowered to be closer to his son, who appeared increasingly distraught, but did not yet have the words to express why. ”What’s wrong, little Sprout?”

Unwelcome thoughts of his own sire inevitably surfaced in the mind of the new father. Had his father ever been involved with his pups, really spent time with them, beyond their relentless training sessions? Had his father ever comforted them when they were still tiny? Cian could not remember a single instance like this – that his sire had never experienced just being close to the squirmy, adorable little life he had created.

Had he ever reveled in the warmth of the pup, the sweet infant scent, who would not exist without him? Maybe it had happened, maybe, before Cian’s memories began, when they were still tiny. Somehow, though, he doubted that had been the case. His own father had missed out on the greatest joy that Cian could imagine. In this way, Cian felt pity for his deceased sire. He would never meet his grandchildren. He would never understand this happiness.

While Cian was lost to his thoughts, little Summit became more upset, his cries breaking the peace of their den. Cian looked to Journey, who was still asleep, before his attention turned to his son. ”Shh, it’s – it’s okay. You will be able to – able to explore very soon. You just need to be a bit bigger.” He nuzzled the boy gently as he spoke in soothing tones, but an uncomfortable thought surfaced in his mind:

What if I’m not good enough for this?

Immediately, he was worried. What if he was unable to comfort the pups, the way that Clover so instinctively could? But within moments, Summit seemed to calm, returning his father’s nuzzle with a boisterous squeak. A deep exhale parted Cian’s lips as the pup began to tumble about again. ”That’s better.”

I don’t have to be like my father. I’m not like him at all. I can be a good one.

Still watching Summit as the tiny pup played, Cian spoke aloud to himself: ”I can do this. I can be a good dad.” The pup looked up at his father with mismatched and gave a squeak of agreement.



@Clover

art and code by Yahtzee-Penguiduck